One Night To Change It All
by alexivialove
Summary: Alex heads to a bar at the behest of her best friend. Her life will never be the same.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing, sadly. Well Melanie came from my own head...

Rated: MA

My very first fic ever, PLEASE be kind, I'm sorry if it sucks.

Summary: Alex heads out to a bar at the behest of her best friend. Her life will never be the same.

Chapter 1

I cannot believe I let her drag me here. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for people being free to love who they love, but I cannot believe I'm in a lesbian bar. I have this one friend, we've been friends since we met in college and since I love her so much I agreed to come to a lesbian bar with her. I feel awkward here. I'm not dressed like anyone else here. Most of the women here are dressed as one might describe as "lesbian". I have no idea what that means but apparently it means that compared to what they are wearing I scream "straight" or so says my friend. Well that seems fitting I tell her back, she just laughs and drags me further into the bar.

As we wait for the bartender I take more time to look around. There are women dancing with women, women flirting with women, women kissing women, it's different for sure. As I sit on my stool I realize that I'm nearly invisible to these women. A very strange occurrence. Now I'm not conceited, though most people assume I am, but I can state truthfully that often when I walk into a room I get looks from most of the men in that room, some subtle and some obvious. I think it's my blue eyes and blond hair men apparently love that. But here in this bar, nothing. It's weird. Maybe lesbians don't love blond hair and blue eyes like men do. My friend Melanie tells me it's because they take one look at me and know I'm straight. I tell her that's ridiculous that one cannot tell that a woman is straight just based on a look. She asks me to look at myself from their perspective, so I do.

I'm wearing my glasses, my blond hair is down. My black cotton blouse is buttoned to an appropriate level, not too constricting to me but certainly not too low to give anyone a show. I'm tucked into my dark blue jeans which are belted with a simple black leather and silver buckled belt. Perhaps it's my shoes. I refuse to deny it, my passion is for shoes. Today I chose a beautiful pair of classic Louboutin's, black with a striking red sole. It must be that because I realize there are not many if any at all, heels in the crowd. That's it, now I know what she's talking about, my heels give me away.

"Alex, it's a shame you're so damn smart but sometimes you're so clueless," Melanie responds. "Yeah the shoes don't help your case, but it's everything. You're a GIRL, head to toe. Your hands are as manicured and perfect as a gay man's, there isn't a thing out of place on you." I frown at her, somehow, for whatever reason, feeling inadequate as a lesbian, well a fake lesbian, or whatever. "It's not a bad thing Alex, it's just the reason why it's such a different experience here for you than in a normal bar. Think of it as a safe haven for you. And bonus for me, I don't actually have to protect you since no one seems to be hitting on you."

"Gee, thanks," I respond. "Women who love women don't love me." Suddenly, and stupidly I feel like not being attractive to women makes me less of a woman. Clearly I need a drink, I've begun to be concerned that I'm not getting hit on by lesbians even though if I were, it wouldn't actually be reciprocating back.

"Alex, shut up and drink this" Melanie says as she hands me a shot. The vodka slides down my throat and leaves a slow burn all the way down to my stomach.

"Thanks," I say but I've already lost Melanie, she sees a woman across the bar and she is transfixed. "Melanie? Melanie! Oh forget it." I turn to the bar and ask the bartender for a vodka on the rocks with a lime.

Melanie turns to me, "Alex, you'll be alright right? I mean you're not getting bugged, think you can handle your own while I go buy that hottie down the way a drink?"

I roll my eyes, "Of course I'll be fine, aren't I always?"

"You're the best!" And with that Melanie hops off her bar stool and is off. I can't help but laugh at my best friend. She really is the sweetest person I know. Though she may be enamored with the woman at the bar, I know without a doubt that I'll always be in her sights just in case and would have no issue walking away from that woman to come save me if she saw anything happening to me that she didn't like. She can be a pit bull when it comes to me. The bartender hands me my drink and I turn to watch the dance floor. I love to watch people, I could do it all day long, which is perfect for Melanie tonight. She can do her thing with the ladies and I'll watch the room move.

I've only been watching for a few minutes when I think I see someone familiar in the sea of bodies. It was too quick a glance and the sea is constantly moving and my view has been obstructed by moving bodies. But then there she is again. I can see her profile and I'll be damned if the profile doesn't look at hell of a lot like Olivia Benson. There's no way it's her what would she be doing in a lesbian bar? No it must be someone with a similar build and hair cut. I mean Olivia is straight. She dates men. Right? But as the doppleganger's dance partner spins her so they are front to back, she's spun my direction and I get a clear view of her front and her face. It IS Olivia. I had no idea she was gay!

For a brief moment, I consider maybe she's not and she's HER friend's straight friend but before I'm even fully able to consider that idea her dance partner moves her hair off her neck and takes a long lick from her shoulder to her ear. I hold my breath. Definitely not straight. Her hands are now holding Olivia's hips and whether it's the dancer or Olivia I don't know but Olivia is clearly pushing herself back into the woman. I look away. I shouldn't be seeing this. I glance back, the woman's hand is on Olivia's stomach underneath her shirt. I REALLY shouldn't be seeing this. They're one step away from having sex on the dance floor.

I feel wrong. Olivia's personal life is personal and she is living it and I should not be apart of it. If she wanted me to know this part of her she would have told me she was a lesbian. And I'm most certain that if she didn't want me knowing she is a lesbian she surely doesn't want me watching her. But try as I might, I can't not watch. There's no question about my sexuality, I'm straight, but as I watch them move I can't stop my heart from beating faster and heavier. I can't help but feel warmer all over. And I certainly can't stop the throbbing that has begun between my legs. This must be what it's like for a man watching lesbian porn. Straight or not, what's happening on the dance floor is hot, I'd dare anyone to watch them and not get a little tingly.

Olivia has now turned back to her dance partner and they are now a tangle of limbs. I can see Olivia's leg trapped between the other woman's. I watch entranced as they grind down on each other's legs. Olivia now has her head thrown back and the other woman is now slowly licking from the hollow of her neck up until she reaches her chin. Olivia looks back down at her and their mouths fuse. Unconsciously I lick my lips. My mouth has gone dry. I reach for my drink and take a sip. I look away for a millisecond to place it back on the bar and when I look back Olivia has her back to her partner again. Her partner has again is licking her neck. I watch as she bares her teeth and bites down on Olivia's neck. When she does I swear I see her hand creep up underneath Olivia shirt to grab her breast. Olivia's head falls back and her chest pushes outward. The woman drops her hand away from her chest and settles it on the top of her jeans. I see her thumb hook into Olivia's jeans and she dangles her hand there. I watch as her fingers drop to Olivia's jeans and push. I think about where her fingers must fall and feel my own legs and stomach clench. Olivia responds by moving her hips forward toward the fingers and then back into the woman's center. I can feel myself getting wetter than I ever would have imagined just from watching two women dance. Olivia turns back around to face her partner again this time when she turns she looks up and for half a second our eyes lock.

_Oh shit_, I think as I try to make it look as though it was a complete coincidence that our eyes met. Maybe I can make it seem as though I was scanning the crowd just as she looked my way. I look anywhere but where I've been staring for the past however long. When I finally think it's safe to look back, just to make sure she didn't see me of course, I see her once again fused to her dance partner, mouths locked. I decide, Melanie is on her own, I have to get out of here before we make eye contact again and I won't be able to call it a scan of the crowd. I turn back to the bar and begin looking for Melanie. I don't see her where she and the other woman were before. _Crap_, I think, _now I actually DO have to scan the crowd._ I begin skimming the crowd again this time hoping I find Melanie and not Olivia. I finally see her. I down the rest of my drink, drop some bills on the counter and hop off my stool. I wind my way through the sea of dancers and finally reach Melanie. _Thank God._

"Melanie. Melanie!" I grab her arm to get her attention. She looks at me, "Hey Alex, here to dance?"

"No Melanie..." she instantly cuts me off. "Dance Alex!"

"What? No, Melanie, I have to go!"

"What? Why? Come on Alex, just one dance out here!" Melanie grabs my arm and forces me into a triangle with the woman from the bar and herself. I lean in to her and yell in her ear, it's so damn loud so I need her to hear me.

"Melanie I have to go home! Like now!"

"Oh fuck!" Melanie yells. She raises one finger in my direction and leans into the girl she's dancing with. She says a few things, the girl nods and continues dancing.

Melanie grabs my arm and drags me back to the bar. I'm trying to explain to her I have to go but even as we reach the bar she's still not actually speaking to me but rather dragging me. She steps up to the bar and orders three shots of vodka. I roll my eyes. I just need to leave and really wish she would let go of my hand. Three shots are set on the bar in front of her, she grabs one and hands it to me. "Drink it" she states. I sigh and take the shot hoping this will appease her and she'll let go of my hand so I can leave. I hand the empty glass back to her and she hands me another full one.

"What? No. Mel..."

"Drink it." You'd think she was mad at me the way she was looking at me. It's her own fault, if she'd just said goodbye to me earlier on the dance floor she'd could be out there dancing with her hottie instead of glaring at me. Which she is still doing.

"Fine," I huff, and take the shot and down it quickly. "May I go now?" My annoyance is beginning to show.

"No." She looks me right in the eyes, takes the third shot and downs it herself. She sets the drink down and looks back at me. She locks eyes and leans in. "Alex I love you, I think you're wonderful and you know that."

_What the hell?_ I think. She wants to have a heart to heart now. She continues.

"Alex I refuse to let you leave here without at least having a little bit of fun."

"I did have fun, I love people watching." _Especially tonight_ I think to myself.

"That does not count as fun. That counts as being a wall flower," she scolds. "What happened to the Alex who would go out with me in college? I know we didn't go out a lot but at least when we did you had fun. Alex, you're in the perfect place to just enjoy the night. No one is going to try to take you home and if they do, well you always have me to protect you. Come on, it's been too long since I've seen you move to the beat." She gives me her patent smile, the one that I can never say no to. Especially now that she's plowed me with alcohol and I'm starting to feel less constricted.

"Come on, Alex, how long's it been since you just let go and had fun? Besides you leave now and that buzz will go to waste at home alone." She knows she's got me. Or least that she got the alcohol to get me. She's right now, when was the last time I just had fun. And who's going to tell? No one knows I'm here... _Crap. Olivia._

"No I..." She doesn't know why I need to leave. If she knew she probably wouldn't care, she'd probably still be dragging me to the dance floor like she is currently. _She's such a jerk_, I think to myself not really seriously. And then next thing I know, I'm standing there with her looking me in the eyes, hands on my hips forcing them to sway with the music. I briefly glance around, I don't see Olivia anywhere, probably left. Lord knows I would have if I were her.

The combination of the alcohol, Melanie's smile and forced movements make me give in. "Oh hell," I say and start moving with the music. As I start to lose myself to the music I can feel my insecurity dropping away. I hate when she's right, but she is, she knew I'd start to enjoy myself if I just let go of whatever it is that keeps me on the sidelines.

Melanie is dancing partially with me and partially with her lady from the bar. A young woman dances up next to me. Clearly picking up a dancing partner in a lesbian bar is the same as in a straight bar. I turn towards her and start dancing. She a nice enough dancer, respectful enough. I look over at Melanie, she's definitely enjoying her dancing partner. I smile at her and return to my dance partner. After a short while she drifts out and someone else drifts in. For a little while I just enjoy dancing with my revolving partners. I'm definitely loose now and really enjoying myself but I definitely need a break. I tell Melanie I'm going to get a drink at the bar. I excuse myself from my dance partner and head to the bar. I'm tipsy. I love being tipsy, it allows me a freedom I don't usually give myself but doesn't leave me incapable. I lean over the bar knowing full well that if I were in a straight bar I'd have men ogling me, but tonight I don't care because the only person I'm leaving with tonight is Melanie. I order my vodka on the rocks and dig in my pocket for some cash. I don't even realize I'm doing it but while I dig for cash with one hand I unbutton two buttons on my blouse with the other. What? It's hot. When I look back up the bartender had set my drink in front of me.

She stops me as I try to give her my cash. "It's been paid for," she says.

"Well give them back their money and take mine, I'm not having some one think they can just buy me drinks and..." I'm cut off.

"Then you can owe me one next time we do drinks after a case," I hear.

I swing around, "Olivia."

"I thought that was you Alex."

I can't help it, I blush, I'm hoping she can't distinguish it from the fact that I'm a bit colored from the heat of the bar and dancing and alcohol. The bartender walks away assuming the bought drink is okay since we seem to know each other.

"Hi," I say, not knowing what I should say.

"Never thought I'd run into you here," Olivia says as she reaches around me to grab my drink off the bar. It must be the alcohol because my heart just fluttered a little. She hands me the drink and raises her glass, "Cheers." I tap my glass against hers and take a deep gulp.

"I'm here with my friend Melanie," I say motioning to the dance floor. "I'm surprised to see you here too," I say. Images of Olivia and her dance partner flood back to my mind and I blush again and stare at my glass before I take a sip.

"Uhh, yeah," Olivia clears her throat, "I come here every once in a while when I want to just dance and y'know enjoy a night out."

"Hmm." That's all I can say. She's looking at me so intently, I feel a bit awkward. I break eye contact with Olivia because I can't take it anymore. Instead I find something interesting to look at towards my right. I only look for a few seconds, sure that my few second break is enough time to break Olivia's watchful stare. When I look back she's definitely not looking at my face anymore. I feel a drop of sweat moving it's way down my neck and realize her eyes are focused on that instead of my face. I watch her as she watches the droplet slowly crawl down my neck. When it reaches my collarbone I assume it will just get stuck there. I'm wrong and as it moves further down my chest I see Olivia's tongue slowly wet her lips. My core and stomach clench like before. I can feel my breathing become shallow. I feel the drop move further down my chest. It reaches the swell of my breast and suddenly I'm wishing it were Olivia's tongue making that path and not the sweat. I watch her as she watches it disappear, soaked up by the fabric of my bra. It's now that I realize that I had unconsciously undone some of the buttons on my blouse. Part of me wants to button them back up, the rest of me sees Olivia's stare and could care less. She's looking at my chest with a hungry stare and I'm helpless. All I can do is watch her watching me and try not to melt right in front of her. When she finally looks back up at me, I can only imagine what she sees. I know what I must look like. I'm flushed, breathing heavy and my eyes are probably navy with lust.

_This is insane,_ I think. _I'm straight. But oh god I'm so turned on._ I know I can't lie to myself about my currently state. Instead I shove that to the side for later and just stare back at Olivia. I'd say something but I have no words right now. I don't know if I'd even be able to talk.

Olivia breaks our silence, "Um, want to dance?" I practically moan hearing her lust-laden voice. I'm unable to speak so I just nod. never breaking eye contact, she places her drink on the bar, takes my drink from my hand and places it on the bar next to hers. She grabs my right hand with hers. Her hand is so warm and so soft a brief flash of what it would feel like elsewhere comes to mind. I force my brain to focus on walking with her. Still never breaking eye contact she is backing up onto the dance floor, holding my gaze and my hand.

We reach the dance floor. She places her hands on my hips and pulls me forward towards her. We are so close to touching, but we're not except for her hands on my hips. She starts to move and so do I, moving my hips back and forth to the music. I don't know what to do with my hands, I want to touch her but I'm not sure where so I let them move at my sides. Olivia moves her hands off my hips. I instantly miss the contact. She places them under my arms and moves my arms to her shoulders. Once she's sure they'll stay there she slides her hands to my shoulders leaving goosebumps in their wake. She reaches my shoulders and slides her hands around my back and slides then down my back down to my hips. My breath catches in my throat feeling her hands slide down to my hips. They stay there for a moment before her left hand reaches around and settles on the small of my back. She uses her hand to pull me closer and I think I might pass out when my abdomen touches hers. Even though we're clothed the sensation of having Olivia that close is euphoric. I'm so caught up with her closeness that I don't realize she has insinuated her thigh between mine until I feel it rub against me.

"Oh fuck," I say as I feel her thigh push against me. She uses her hand to pull me closer and my leg makes contact with her center.

"Jesus," I hear her say. Before I can push my leg against her again she's spun me again. Her hands have returned to my hips and she's pulling me back against her. I push into her and grind myself against her. I can feel her pulling me harder against her as she moves behind me. She's pressed against me fully and I feel her hot breath against my neck.

She lifts her head and whispers into my ear, "Alex, please." Her breath on my ear makes me moan out loud. I don't know how much longer I can last. My hands have reached up of their own accord and are stretching over my head weaving through her silky hair.

I tilt my head back and whisper back, "Yes. God yes." I don't even know what I'm saying yes to but if it involves Olivia then right now, that's my only answer. She spins me back around and pulls my hips back to her roughly shoving one leg between mine and up to my center. I swear I see stars. My head drops to her shoulder. I'm not sure I've ever been this turned on before. It's Olivia, she's a woman, and yet I can't bring myself to care. I push my leg up into her and I can feel her heat on my leg. It's intoxicating. I raise my head from her shoulder and look at her. Her eyes are black, she's flushed and staring at me. She breaks eye contact and stares at my lips. I see her lick her lips at the same time she presses her leg into me and pulls me down onto it and I swear I might come, right here on the dance floor.

She looks back into my eyes, "Tell me no now Alex, or else..." She doesn't have to finish, I know she means this is my chance, if I don't stop her now I won't be able to later.

I couldn't tell her no if my life depended on it. Instead I repeat myself from earlier. "Yes, God yes." And with that, permission granted she captures my lips with her own. It's a sweet kiss, despite what our bodies are doing her kiss is tender. She captures my lower lip between hers and I feel her tongue dart out to taste. I groan at the sensation and my jaw drops just a little. Olivia takes advantage and slides her tongue into my mouth. I feel like I've just entered heaven. I can taste her drink from earlier. Her tongue wrestles with my own until I just can't keep up and give in to her. She runs the tip of her tongue against the roof of my mouth. We finally separate when oxygen is necessary.

I lean my forehead against hers. We're both breathing heavy. "Oh my God," I say. "Olivia," I say as I raise my head. I look into her eyes. "Take me home." I feel more than hear her groan and her eyes close for just a second. She opens them and looks at me. I didn't think her eyes could get any darker but somehow they have.

"Get your stuff," she growls.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing, sadly. Well Melanie came from my own head...

Rated: MA

My very first fic ever, PLEASE be kind, I'm sorry if it sucks.

Summary: Alex heads out to a bar at the behest of her best friend. Her life will never be the same.

Note: Wow you guys are awesome, thanks so much! This chapter has a slightly different feel but I had to cool it down a bit for Alex, Olivia and my iPad which is threatening to overheat because our ladies little dance. ;)

Chapter 2

_"Get your stuff," she growls._

She grabs my hand and leads me through the crowd back to the bar. I'm in a complete lust-filled haze. So much so that I walk right by Melanie who reaches out and grabs my arm. I stop and begin to turn around. Olivia spins around she's behind me now and I feel her grasp on my hand tighten, feel her walking back towards me. She starts to pull me behind her as though she's protecting me. I pull my arm out of Melanie's hand and turn around to Olivia.

"Olivia," I place my hand on her chest to stop her movement. For a brief moment I lose myself in the feeling of touching her. It's such a simple touch, how can I feel what I'm feeling just from this small touch intended to stop her. I pull myself back to the task at hand.

"I came with her Olivia, remember I came with a friend?" That seems to stop her. She looks towards Melanie then back to me.

"I'll go close my tab," she says and then turns and walks back to the bar. I already miss having her close to me.

"What the hell?" My thoughts are interrupted by Melanie. "Who the hell? What the? Alex what are you doing?" Melanie is so shocked that she can't quite make out everything she's thinking. In our entire friendship I've never seen her looking at me with the look of complete confusion that is currently gracing her face.

"Alex you know I saw everything? You know I have eyes on the back of my head for you. Who are you? Who is she? What are you doing? Was she going to beat me up? There is no way in hell I'm letting you go home with her! She could be insane, a murder, or worse!"

"Melanie!" I have to shout and grab her arm to get her to stop asking me questions. "I can't answer you if you don't stop talking." She stops and just stares at me, her eyes urging me to answer her.

I sigh, "That is Olivia Benson, she's one of the detectives I work with. Rest assured she is not a murder. And rest assured you ARE going to let me go home with her. As for the rest of it, I have no idea. Melanie, I know I'm straight but right now men are the last thing on my mind."

"Alex, are you sure you want to go home with her? You've never even kissed a woman, well aside from a few moments ago. Do you really think you're ready to go home with someone? What if you change your mind? You'll be stuck where ever with..."

"Melanie, first off, I won't be stuck where ever, I'll be at MY home. Secondly while my body is telling me it's highly unlikely that I'll change my mind, if I do, I trust Olivia to stop. And as for if I don't change my mind, well I'm terrified but if it's anything like it was on the dance floor I doubt I'll have too many brain cells to concentrate on being scared."

"But..."

I stop Melanie before she can even continue. "Melanie, I love you, I love that you're looking out for me. I'm okay, I'll be okay. I promise. I'll call you tomorrow." With that I kiss her on the cheek and turn around just in time to see Olivia walking back towards me.

I meet Olivia half way. She steps beside me and places her right arm on the small of my back and begins to weave me through the crowd like she's done hundreds of times outside the courthouse. This time, however, is very different. This time, the place on my back where her hand is touching me is tingling. This time we're not headed back to the precinct. We finally make it to the front door. Olivia holds it open and I step out onto the street. The cool evening air hits us and we welcome it. Suddenly it seems silent on the street compared to inside the club. The bass is still audible outside but it's only a dull thump. Olivia looks back and forth towards the street then she turns to me. She becomes very serious very fast. Her eyes bore into mine.

"Alex, are you sure?" I wonder if the cool air has cooled her libido. Now that she's suddenly standing outside, not wrapped up in the feelings we had a short while ago in the bar, has she cooled down so much that she's changing her mind? She watches as I worry my lower lip. She reaches out and rubs her thumb across my lip. I feel that energy from before return. I kiss her thumb and look at her. I see my answer in her eyes. She's not changing her mind, she's giving me an out. I raise my arm to signal the cab I see behind her coming towards us. Only when it stops next to us do I look away from her.

I open the door for her, "Get in Olivia."

She smiles and slides in the cab. I get in after her and give the driver my address. We sit close, neither of us actually touching the other. The energy in the cab is electric. The driver must understand that we don't want to talk because he just looks forward and concentrates on the road. I'm thankful for his silent understanding. Despite the energy I suddenly feel shy. I want this to happen but I start to worry, what is Olivia expecting from me? Does she think that I am experienced in this matter? Does she know she'll be the first woman I've ever been with? My mind begins to whirl and I become even more nervous.

"Olivia," I say, looking at her, wishing I could read her mind. She looks at me and I can't help thinking that she's so damn beautiful.

"Olivia, I want this," I start, "I really want this," I stress. "But I want you to know... No I need you to know. I, um..." I'm completely at a loss for words. I look away from her eyes, I need a break from the intensity I see in them. I look at my hands in my lap. I start again, "Olivia, I'm not... I haven't... Liv I've never been with a woman before," I blurt out.

I can't look at her now, I'm afraid of what I might see in her eyes so I continue to stare at my hands. I see her left hand cover mine. I feel her right come up and touch my chin. She lifts my head until I am forced to look into her eyes. Her hand moves to cup my face as she leans forward. I can't control my body, my concerns from before seem to have disappeared. Olivia leans forward and as though there is a gravitational pull I lean into her. My eyes close of their own accord. I part my lips but am surprised when I feel her lips touch my closed eye. She touches her lips to my other eye and I can't stop the smile that graces my face. She kisses the corner of my mouth and finally her lips land on mine. I'm sure it's the most tender and gentle kiss I've ever had in my life. She pulls away and waits for me to open my eyes. I almost don't want to open them, I feel like I'm in a dream and opening them might wake me up. Reluctantly I do. I open my eyes and find myself the object of her gaze.

"Say the word and I'll drop you off at your apartment and drive off. This is your choice Alex. I won't deny that I want you, but you're entitled to change your mind. You don't have to do this."

I believe her. I know in my heart that if I told her no, she'd leave without a word. But I don't want that, not at all. "I won't lie, I'm terrified Olivia. But I want this. I just don't know what you expect of me."

"I don't expect a thing. I want you Alex, as long as you're okay with that, then that's all that matters to me."

I lean forward and kiss her. It's soft and gentle at first. God her lips are so soft it's like kissing silk. The electricity is back. This time it's me who moves to deepen the kiss. As soon as her lips part I take that to my advantage. I slide my tongue over hers, God I think I could do this forever. I pull my tongue back into my mouth and capture her lower lip. I suck it into my mouth and bite down lightly. She whimpers and her hands fly to my hip. She's holding onto me me as though her life depends upon it. I'm leaning into her, pushing her back into the seat, I'm nearly about to climb into her lap when I hear the cab driver clear his throat. I break from Olivia and look out the window to see my apartment building. I hastily dig out a few bills and hand them to the driver just before I climb from the cab. I stand on the curb watching as Olivia seems to gather herself then climbs out onto the sidewalk with me.

The cab pulls away leaving us standing there looking at each other. I grab her hand and lead her into the lobby of my building. I stop briefly at the desk to say hello to the overnight clerk. He's a sweet old man and no matter how much I want to get Olivia upstairs my manners refuse to let me just pass him by. I introduce him to Olivia. She lets go of my hand to shake his. I miss her hand already but I know it will return. I'm slightly saddened when it doesn't return to mine. But before I can think too long about it I feel her hand settle on at the small of my back. I'm smiling and nodding along with the conversation but I honestly have no idea what's being talked about. All I can focus on is Olivia's hand at my back and her thumb that is rubbing small circles. My God, how is it possible that just a thumb on my back can feel so amazing. I hear Robert the doorman saying goodnight and so I tell him goodnight back and allow myself to be guided by Olivia's hand towards the elevators. I lean forward and push the button to call the elevator.

As we step in and I push the elevator to take us to my floor I say to Olivia, "I love that man but I'll be damned if I didn't want him to shut up so we could get the hell out of there."

Olivia chuckles, "In a bit of a rush are we Alex?"

"If you'd kept your damn hands to yourself I would have been more patient," I respond. She just continues to laugh. I turn to her, put my hands on her hips and push her gently against the elevator wall. I step into her space and grab her wrists. I wrap my arms around to her back and press myself against the length of her. The feeling of being pressed against her is amazing but I must keep on track. I lean towards her and she closes her eyes, preparing herself for my kiss. I lean ever so slightly to the side and bring my lips to her ear. She's breathing heavy from my slow seduction.

"Seems you've run out of things to laugh about Detective," I whisper against her ear. I see her shudder and hear her moan whether it's due to my closeness or my voice I don't care, it's empowering. The moan shoots straight to my center urging me on. I lick the skin just below her ear. I take the soft lobe of her ear into my mouth and lightly suck. I feel her hands ball into fists as I sink my teeth into the flesh in my mouth. Just as I feel her start to move I hear the elevator ding. I step back out of her reach and just stare at her. I assume she can see the lust in my eyes because she growls at my now retreating form before stepping out of the elevator and saying, "playing with fire Alexandra Cabot." I look over my shoulder and send her a wink.

We arrive at my door and I've got my back to her while I dig the keys out of my pocket. I feel her ands come to my hips and she pulls me back against her. Her left hand comes around to my front and settles on my stomach while her right hand comes to the back of my neck and moves my hair. I can feel her leaning into me, feel her warm breath on my neck. I lose complete focus on the lock. I probably would have dropped the keys if they hadn't already been shoved into the lock. She's slowly blowing up and down my neck causing me to shiver and raising goosebumps over my entire body. I feel my stomach tighten at the sensation. She raises her mouth to the shell of my ear.

"Open the damn door Alex."

Payback it would seem, is a bitch. I groan as my head falls back, "fuck."

"Alex, now."

It takes every last brain cell to force my head up and my hand to the lock. Turn the damn lock I tell myself. I hear the lock catch and send a silent thank you to the heavens. I push the door open and only then does Olivia let me go allowing me to walk into the apartment. She follows me in. I turn on the light as I hear the door shut and hear the lock click. Olivia must have been a dancer in another life because the way she turns me around to face her then spins us both around until I've got my back against the wall amazes me. She places her hands against the door on either side of my head effectively trapping me. Her eyes travel up and down my body and she's looking at me like she might swallow me whole. When her eyes finally come back to my own she leans in until our lips are nearly touching. We're so close that when she finally speaks I can feel the words as her breath touches my lips.

"You're mine tonight Alex."

"Yes... please," I sigh just before she roughly captures my mouth.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing, sadly. Well Melanie came from my own head...

Rated: MA

My very first fic ever, PLEASE be kind, I'm sorry if it sucks.

Summary: Alex heads out to a bar at the behest of her best friend. Her life will never be the same.

Notes: Generally I don't LOVE POV switches, I usually get lost a few times between the switches, but since it's my first fic I didn't realize that I would feel like I was only telling half the experiences without switching, so I am reluctantly making the switches. Hope no one gets lost... :/ Myself included... ;)

Chapter 3

Olivia's POV

I'm standing in Alex Cabot's apartment, caging her against the wall. I've been allowed so much more of her than I'd ever allowed myself to wish for.

I'd been dancing when I caught her eyes through the crowd. The nameless dance partner that I'd been dancing with at the time was immediately forgotten. I'd left the woman on the dance floor confused with my abrupt departure and headed straight to the restroom. I needed a moment to think. Standing in front of the bathroom mirror I turned on the water and held my hands underneath the stream. I let my cool, wet hands wander to my neck in an effort to cool myself down. I'd be lying if I said that I hadn't been wrapped up in my dance partner and that had I never seen those blue eyes I probably would have taken her home for the night. But I did see those blue eyes and my plans for the nameless woman were instantly cancelled. Alex Cabot was my goal tonight. Seeing her in this bar gave me the courage to go after her like I've always thought of doing but never did because I didn't know if she was gay. But she was here, she must be and now the only thing I'm risking is rejection rather than rejection and the embarrassment of hitting on a straight woman. Feeling free with my revelation I head back out to the bar to find her but when I get there I don't see her anymore. She must have left.

I walk back to my original spot at the bar and signal for another whiskey. I plan on drinking this last one and then going home because now my mood is somber. I had my chance tonight but missed it because I needed a pep talk in the bathroom. The dark drink is set in front of me and just as I'm about to ask to have my tab closed I see her again. She's leaning over the bar with her forearms resting on the bar. She's tall but even she must raise to her toes to speak to the bartender. As she does I take in her long lean form. Her body, though already stunning is even more so than usual. Her jeans are dark and form fitting. They show the luscious curve of her backside. She's got a gorgeous ass. Her shirt is tucked into her jeans which are riding how on her hips. I can see how narrow her waist is and with her shirt tucked low her torso is elongated even more than usual as she leans into the bar. I can only imagine what the bartender sees as she leans her chest into the bar. I watch the bartender walk off to make her drink and decide to make my move. I tell the bartender her drink is on me and get off my stool and slowly make my way to where Alex is standing.

I arrive just in time to hear Alex telling the bartender that she will not accept someone else paying for her drink. I can't help but smile as I hear her, that's definitely Alex. Before she can continue her lecture I save the bartender by telling her that she can pay me back next time we have post-case drinks. She swings around and I tell her that I thought it was her. She responds by blushing and saying hi, as though she's at a loss for words.

"Never thought I'd run into you here," I tell her as I reach around her to grab her drink off the bar. For a brief moment I'm close enough to smell her perfume. I lean back out of her space and hand her her drink before raising my own to her and saying "Cheers."

I watch over the rim of my glass as she takes a long sip from her glass. Her head is tilted back slightly and I see the muscles on her neck working to push the drink south. She's got a beautiful neck. She tells me she's here with a friend and that she is also surprised to see me here just before she get ever so slightly redder. She stares down into her glass just before she takes another sip. I wonder if she's talking about seeing me on the dance floor with another woman. I start to worry about what she thinks about seeing me dance with another woman. I want to tell her I didn't know that woman but instead I explain that I come here once in a while to dance and enjoy the night. She just responds with a slight hum.

I can't stop staring at her, she's gorgeous. I'm staring into her eyes before she turns to her right to look away. I take the opportunity to explore her face. It's flushed with color and dewy from the heat in the room. I let my eyes wander to her jawline, it's elegant. Strong but feminine. My eyes lower slightly to her neck, her beautiful, kissable, lickable neck. I see a small bead of sweat that has gathered on her neck and is slowly succumbing to gravity. I watch as it rolls a path down her neck, tantalizingly slow. I watch it roll down her neck until it reaches her collarbone. For a brief moment I think the journey is over but it crawls over and continues down her chest. Her blouse is unbuttoned all the way down to below her bra and I'm treated with more skin to admire. Unknowingly, I lick my lips as I watch the drop of sweat roll down the slight waves of her chest bones until it reaches the top, softly curved swell of her breast. I watch as it traces along the curve toward the valley of her breasts. I desperately want to follow it with my tongue as I watch it disappear into the fabric of her bra between two gorgeous mounds. My eyes are trapped in the valley of her breasts. Reluctantly I raise my eyes from where they have been resting. It's then as I slowly raise them back to her face that I notice her chest as it rises and falls heavier than before. Her skin is flushed with color. My eyes reach hers. They are so dark I can hardly see the patent blue in them. I ask her to dance with a voice that is octaves lower than my usual register; lust will do that to a person.

Only after she nods do I lead her the dance floor. Once there I place my hands on her hips and pull her into my space as we start to move. I need her closer, her hands are dangling at her sides so I ease them onto my shoulders. I trail my hands back to her shoulders and down to her hips. I let my left hand wander to the small of her back and pull her even closer until our stomachs touch. I know we're clothed but I am still able to feel the heat of her body as it touches mine. I slowly slide my leg between hers and allow our movements to rub against her before I push it to her center. I hear her swear and pull her closer until I feel her leg touch me. The feeling is amazing, I hear myself speak and I lose just a little more control. I spin her around and pull her against me. She pushes herself back into me and grinds her ass against me. I pull her even harder into me and grind myself into her trying to make as much contact as I can. The seam of my jeans are rubbing my center and I raise my head to her ear. I hear myself say her name.

"Alex, please," I say hoping she'll understand my two words. I hear hear moan as she weaves her hands through my hair. She tilts her head back as far as it can and whispers back, "Yes. God yes."

I need more, I spin her back around and pull her roughly to me. I thrust my leg back between hers and up into her center. Her head falls to my shoulder. She pushes her leg into my core, I know she can feel me through our clothes. I'm so wet I'm surprised I'm not leaving a spot on her jeans. She raises her head and looks me in the eyes. My eyes linger for a moment before falling to her lips. I lick my lips. I pull her hips down as I raise my leg back to her center even harder than before. I look away from her lips and settle back on her eyes.

"Tell me no now Alex, or else..." I warn her. She'll have to stop me now otherwise I'm not sure I'll be able to.

"Yes. God Yes," I hear. I lean down and capture her lips with my own. I have wanted to kiss her lips for as long as I can remember. I kiss her softly and gently, taking her lower lip between my own. I can't hold back, I have to taste her, my tongue swipes over her lip. I hear her groan as her lips part. I take it as an invitation and slide my tongue into her hot, wet mouth. Her tongue battles with mine before it settles allowing me control. I run my tongue over the roof of her mouth before pulling away for needed oxygen. She drops her forehead onto mine.

I hear her say, "Oh my God." She says my name as she raises her eyes to mine. Her dark eyes pierce my own. "Take me home" she says. I can't hold back the groan that escapes me. I've dreamed of hearing those words come from her mouth so many times before. My eyes close of their own accord. When I open them I look right into hers.

"Get your stuff," I say with lust in my voice as I grab her hand and weave us back through the crowd. We don't make it too far before I feel her stop. I turn around to see why she has stopped and see another woman's hand on Alex's arm. Jealously fights with concern for Alex as I start towards this woman while pulling behind me to protect her. I'm stopped though by Alex's hand to my chest and her soft voice saying my name. She reminds me she was here with a friend before looking back at the woman in question then turning back to me. I realize my mistake and leave her with her friend to go close my tab.

As I'm waiting for my bill I try wrap my head around the fact that Alex and I are going home together. That soon enough my dreams of touching Alex, of tasting her will come true. I'm already torn between savoring our first time or just letting go and following my baser more animalistic feelings. Right now I feel as though we'll be lucky to get to a bedroom without my attacking her. I sign my tab and head back to Alex. I see her kiss her friend's cheek and then start walking towards me. We meet half way and I place my hand on the small of her back and guide her through the crowd like I'm used to doing outside the courthouse.

I hold the door for her and allow her to step out into the night air first. The fresh air allows me a moment to gather myself. I look up and down the street for a cab but see none. I take the opportunity to ask her if she is sure. Her demeanor changes so slightly that I'm sure a passerby would never have noticed, but I do. I watch as she pulls her lower lip between her teeth. It occurs to me that she thinks I've changed my mind. I reach out and soothe her lower lip. She gently kisses my thumb as I continue to look at her as though she's the only thing that exists in this world. Never breaking eye contact she raises her right arm and out of the corner of my eye I see a cab stop at the curb beside us. She looks away and opens the door to the cab and instructs me to get in.

I climb into the cab and she follows. She tells the driver her address and we take off. We ride silently for a few minutes. When she finally breaks the silence she's shy. She's unable to look at me when she tells me that she's never been with a woman before. I'm surprised, I assumed from our experience thus far that she was a lesbian. I could honestly care less, in fact I'm honored to think that she will allow me into her bed when she's never had another woman. She still won't look at me so I turn her head to me. I lean in and she closes her eyes. I kiss them, one at a time. I see her lips turn up into a smile. I kiss the corner of her mouth then her lips. I lean back and wait for her to open her eyes. For just a moment I'm able to look at her not with lust but rather with the emotions she's brought up. I'm not just looking at a beautiful sexual creature but a treasure to be cared for. When she finally opens her eyes and meet mine I tell her that she can change her mind and I'll just drop her off. I tell her it's her choice. And it is, no matter how much I want her now I would stop with just one word from her. She's worried about expectations. They don't matter to me, I don't have any. I tell her such and tell her that as long as she's okay with my wanting her that's all that matters.

She says nothing as she leans forward and kisses me. It's such a soft kiss, gentle and tender. I let her lead and she does. As I sigh my lips part and she moves her tongue into my mouth and slides it over my own before leaving my mouth and taking my lower lip between her lips. She sucks it into her mouth and I feel the pull right down to my core. When she bites down I let out a soft whimper and grab her as though she's the only thing keeping me from floating away. I let her push me back into the seat. I feel her move slightly just before I hear the cabbie clear his throat. She breaks the kiss and looks out the window at the building next to us. She pays the driver and climbs out. I take a deep breath and try bring my body back down. When I am satisfied that I'm mostly in control I climb out of the cab.

She grabs my hand and leads me into the building. She introduces me to the night desk man. While I think it's absurd that we're so close to our sanctuary to be stopping for a chat, I understand her upbringing won't allow her to simply just walk by the elderly man. After shaking his hand my hand returns to the small of her back and I'm absently rubbing circles there with my thumb. I chat for a few more moments before the desk man says goodnight to us and I guide her to the elevators. Once the elevator opens we step in and Alex pushes the button for her floor. She tells me she loves that man but wanted to get out of there.

I can't help the chuckle that rises and take the opportunity to tease her a little, "In a bit of a rush are we Alex?"

She blames her lack of patience on me for not keeping my hands to myself and I can only laugh, who would have thought I'd have that effect on her. She doesn't say anything else. Instead she turns and places her hands on my hips and pushes me gently back against the wall. She steps towards me and grabs my wrists and pulls them around my back as she pushes her entires body tightly against me. I close my eyes as she leans into me and wait for her kiss. But it's her breath I feel against my ear and not her kiss on my lips. Her seduction has me breathing heavily.

I know she knows she has won this round when I hear her say, "Seems you've run out of things to laugh about Detective." Whether it's her breath or her voice that tickles my ear I don't know but I do know it causes a shudder to run through me and I moan at the sensations she's causing. I feel her hot, wet tongue lick just below my ear before she takes the soft flesh of my ear into her mouth. I'm certain that there's a nerve connected from my ear straight to my core because when she sucks my ear I feel it in my clit. When she bites down on the flesh I have to ball my hands into fists in an attempt to keep from letting them wander. Just as my control begins to break and I start to move the elevator dings and she steps out of my reach. Her eyelids are lowered and her eyes are the same dark blue pools I saw in the bar. She steps out of the elevator and my baser animal instinct causes me to growl at her.

I step out of the elevator before she can get too far away and warn her, "Playing with fire Alexandra Cabot." Her response is a seductive wink.

There's only one door on this floor I notice as she turns to it to unlock it. I take the advantage and bring my hands to her hips and pull her back fully against me. I allow my left hand to slide to her stomach while I move her hair from her neck with my right. I'm leaning my body into hers touching every possible part of her body with my own. I smile to myself as I blow up and down her neck as I watch her jam the key into the lock. I know this round goes to me when I feel her shiver. Under my left hand I can feel the muscles in her stomach tighten. I stop blowing on her neck to raise my mouth to her ear.

"Open the damn door Alex," I tell her. My seduction of her has only fueled my own fire and I'm growing impatient.

She groans as her head drops back. "Fuck," I hear her say.

"Alex, now." I'm demanding now. I'm quickly losing control and if I don't get her inside soon I might just take her out here in her hallway.

She raises her head and unlocks the door. Only when the door is open do I let her go. I follow her into her apartment, close the door and throw the lock while she turns on the lights. Before she can do anything else I grab her from behind and turn her towards me as I spin us both and push her up against the wall. I place my hands on either side of her head, she's trapped. My eyes feast on her as they roam up and down her body. There's nothing more that I want than to take her right there against the wall but I reign in my thoughts as I raise my eyes back to hers. Holding her gaze I lean in so close that I can feel her breath on my face. I need her to know that tonight she is at my mercy. That tonight we go at my speed. That tonight I fully intend to devour her. I need her to know.

"You're mine tonight Alex," I tell her.

She whimpers out two words, "Yes... please." I lean in the last few millimeters and let my control slip as I roughly capture her mouth with my own. She's mine.

End Note: I promise I won't repeat every scene in both POVs, just the ones I feel deserve both views. Hope I didn't bore you with essentially a repeat of the first two chapters.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing, sadly. Well Melanie came from my own head...

Rated: MA

My very first fic ever, PLEASE be kind, I'm sorry if it sucks.

Summary: Alex heads out to a bar at the behest of her best friend. Her life will never be the same.

Notes: So thanks so much for all the WONDERFUL support. Without your support I might have tossed in the towel and licked my wounds forever... ;) Smut and language ahoy.

Chapter 4

**Alex's POV**

I'm trapped. I'm trapped and I could care less. Olivia has told me that I'm hers tonight and while claiming possession of me would normally instantly end any and all possible relations, tonight I can only agree. She's right, tonight I'm hers. She instantly fused her mouth to mine. This was not the same tender kiss from before, she has captured my mouth with her own. The force of her kiss has my head pressed against the wall. My hands weave into her hair pulling her impossibly closer to me. Her hands travel from the wall down my sides causing me to groan into her mouth. I feel her step into me as I spread my legs allowing her to her hips to press into mine. Her hands travel down my waist and around my back to grab my ass. I feel her hands massage me before she bends her knees slightly and lowers her hands to the back of my thighs. Before I realize it she has stood up. I feel my feet leave the floor as she hooks her arms and lifts my legs to settle them on her waist. She steps even closer to the wall and I'm pinned, my legs around her, her arms holding me to her as she presses her body into my center. The sensation has me gasping out loud and breaking the kiss. My head falls back and she takes the opportunity to attack my neck. My neck lolls to the right and she sucks at the pulse point just below my jawline. The muscles in my neck jump and she opens her mouth and lightly sinks her teeth into them. She drags her teeth down my neck until she reaches my collarbone. She places open mouth kisses along my collarbone dipping as low as our position allows us.

"I need more," she says before she places me back down on the ground. I take a moment to find my legs as I look into her eyes. I shiver at the pure lust I see in them.

"Bedroom," is all I can say. She steps back allowing me to step away from the wall. I grab her hand and lead her to my bedroom. I walk her to the bed and give her a slight push. She takes my hint and sits on the edge of the bed. She watches me as I walk to my bedside table and turn on the light casting a warm glow throughout the room. I walk back to her and stand in front of her. She take my hips and spreads her legs allowing me to stand between them. I look down into her eyes and realize this will really happen. I should be terrified and nervous but I'm neither. Through the lust in her eyes I see something else, something gentle and tender. I take her chin in my hand and lean forward and touch my lips to hers. It's never been like this before for me, to go from passionate and hungry one minute to soft and dare I say caring in another. I hear a soft moan come from Olivia and am encouraged. I set my knees on either side of her on the bed and climb up to straddle her. I allow her tongue entrance to my mouth as I feel her hands at my waist. She raises her hands up my sides dragging my shirt with them, pulling it from my waist. When I'm entirely untucked she lowers her hands back to my waist this time under the fabric of my shirt. When I feel her hands touch the sensitive skin of my sides we both moan at the feeling. She's sliding her tongue over mine as she wraps arms around me and hugs me tight. I pull back slightly from the kiss, as her tongue starts to slip from my mouth I grab it with my teeth and suck it back into my mouth as I push my hips into her. Her hands move down to grab my ass. I feel her stand and take the opportunity to wrap my legs around her waist and lock my ankles. She turns me and moves her right hand to the center of my back as she leans forward and lies me on the bed. She raises herself above me with her left arm.

"Up," she says and I unlock my ankles and move myself further up the bed. She crawls up the bed and settles herself back between my legs. She fits perfectly. She's half lying over me holding herself above me with her left arm. I raise my hips searching for more contact. She pulls herself back slightly not allowing me the pressure I desperately want.

She looks me in the eyes and tells me patience.

**Olivia's POV**

I feel Alex push her hips into me and I pull back slightly. I look into her eyes and say, "patience," just before I lower my lips to hers and gently kiss them. Before the kiss can be deepened I pull back. I bring my right hand to her neck. I touch my fingers lightly to her pulse and feel it throbbing underneath them. I slowly stroke the soft skin making my way down her neck. I can't resist and lean down and follow the same path with my tongue. I can taste the salty skin and think that I've never tasted something so amazing. I pull back and watch as my fingers trace her collarbone. The push on, lower down her neck until I reach the lace of her bra. I trace the line just above the lace over the swell of her breast and down into the valley created by the two beautiful mounds. She's breathing so heavy it only makes the sight even more beautiful and harder to resist and I don't. I reach across her chest and gently place my hand over her left breast. I gently massage it as I feel her arch her back and push herself into my hand. My hand tightens and I squeeze. Alex sucks in between clenched teeth.

"Fuck," I hear her say.

I squeeze one more time before I move my hand back to the center of her chest, to the v in her shirt. I slowly unbutton her shirt allowing my knuckles to drag down her skin as I move down to the last button. Once I have undone all the buttons I lift myself up a few more inches above her so that I can see as I unveil her creamy toned stomach. I take a moment and drag my fingers along the skin and watch as her stomach muscles tighten and quiver. I am unable to resist the urge to slide down to pepper the skin I have revealed with soft kisses. I press my nose to her skin and breath in. I smell baby powder first then I smell her. I'm so close to her I can smell the faint smell of her arousal.

"Oh god," I groan. Suddenly I now longer want gentle and soft. I sit up and grab the collar of her shirt forcing her to sit up with me. My mouth descends on hers. I slide my tongue into hers and pull her shirt over her shoulders and pull her further into me. Her arms are pinned to her sides as battle her tongue with my own. I break the kiss and let go of her shirt. My hands push the shirt down her arms and she pulls her arms out of the sleeves. I throw the shirt aside and reach behind her to release the clasp on her bra. I pull the straps off her shoulders and she drops her arms letting the bra fall from her shoulders releasing her two beautiful breasts. I pull the bra from between us where it has fallen and it joins the shirt on the floor.

I'm staring at her chest. She breathing hard making her breasts rise and fall heavily. I take in the sight of her breasts. They're perfect. They are smaller than mine but perfect for her slight frame. Her nipples are rosy and standing erect. I lean forward and gently urge her back onto her back. My hand shakes as I reach out to touch her breast. She takes my hand in hers and guides it to her breast. I moan the instant my hand touches her breast and for a moment I can't do anything but hold it. I feel her hand begin to move mine and my hand takes over. I massage her breast, her left hand still covering mine. I look up at her face, her eyes are closed, her lower lip is caught between her teeth before it's released and her mouth drops open.

It's when I hear her, "Oh fuck, Olivia," that my lust is back. I squeeze her breast tight and her hand drops to her side. I rub my thumb over her nipple making even harder than it already is. I feel her left leg rub up the back of my right the heel of her stiletto dragging along my leg. This only turns me on more and take my hand off her breast. My hand grabs her leg and lifts it higher until it's sitting on my hip. I lean forward and take her breast into my mouth. Her hand to flies to the back of my head and she pushes me down. She arches her back and I feel her left leg flex to pull me into her.

"Oh God," she moans. The sounds she's making along with the feel of her pulling me into her and her breast in my mouth cause me to groan.

I love her breasts already. With my right hand supporting me I reach up with my left and grab her right breast. I massage it softly as I suck her left breast into my mouth. I suck gently at first. As I grasp her nipple with my left hand and pinch I suck as much of her right breast into my mouth and bite down on the flesh.

"Ahhh FUCK!" Alex pulls my head down to her chest so hard that I'm almost unable to breath. Her right hand flies to my back and grips my shirt using it to pull me to her. I feel her arch her back as her whole body goes taut for just a second before I feel the tremors that pass through her.

**Alex's POV**

Olivia pinches my nipple while her mouth bites down on my other breast. The sensation is such a surprise and feels so amazing that before I know it I'm screaming as I come. Every muscle in my body goes tight just before the waves of my orgasm overcomes me. I'm pulling Olivia as close to me as I possibly can until my muscles relax and fall limply to my sides. My eyes are glued shut as I come back to my body. This wasn't the most powerful orgasm I've ever had but it's the first time I've ever come just from having my breasts touched. I have a brief moment of embarrassment. I feel like a teenage boy coming at the first touch but when I feel Olivia stroking my hair and kissing my forehead I forget my embarrassment.

My breathing is finally slowing when I hear Olivia speak to me. "Alex, baby? Are you ok?" She's still stroking my hair. I open my eyes and am greeted by her eyes looking down at me. I pull her down to me and kiss her passionately. The damn has been broken and I'm frantically pulling at her shirt. I need to see her. I need to feel her. I need everything and I need it now. She seems to sense my urgency and pulls her body up and to take off her shirt and throw it to the ground. She reaches behind her back to unclasp her bra as I sit up. Her bra is barely off when I latch onto her breast with my mouth. I hear her moan as I feel her nipple become a hard bud against my tongue. My arms are wrapped around her as I pull her closer to me. Her hands are fisted in my hair. She's grinding herself into me. She pulls me up and kisses me hard as she she forces me onto my back. We both gasp when we finally feel skin on skin. I can feel an electricity where our breasts touch. She lifts her body off me and slides her leg between mine and grinds it to my center. I gasp as I lift my leg up to her. She slams herself down unto my leg before she begins to ride my leg. Her movements on my leg are forcing her leg up into me pushing into me. I'm unbelievably sensitive from my earlier orgasm.

"Oh God, fuck, Olivia yes," I pant out between breaths. I can feel her speed up the rhythm on my leg.

"Yes, Alex, yes, oh,... yes."

I push my leg up into her even more that it is already. I can feel the coil in my body pulling tight again. "Oh God... Please... Olivia. Fuck, I'm going to come again... Oh God, Olivia," I groan out.

She must make sense of my groans because she's pushing herself hard onto my leg faster and faster which pushes her against my harder and faster. Her rhythm gets choppy for a few pushes before I hear her say, "Aleeeexx," as her body freezes pushed up against my leg. The combination of my name as she comes and her leg pushed into me tips me over the edge and I come again making stringing some unintelligible words together.

Olivia collapses on top of me as I feel the last few tremors run through my body and for a moment we both lie there, catching our breaths. Her face is buried in my neck and I can feel her heavy breath on my neck as she tries to bring body back down. I keep my eyes closed enjoying the feel of her on top of me.

**Olivia's POV**

I have my face buried in her neck, my nose pressed against her pulse as I try to summon my body parts into moving. I need to move myself so I'm not crushing her with my body but if feels so good where I am. It's rare that I let myself go like I did. It's rare that my body let itself go. I usually need more than some grinding to come but tonight I just rode Alex's leg until an orgasm rocked through me. That was not my intention but when she took my breast into her mouth I lost control. When our breasts touched and her leg touched my center I gave in to my body. I heard her warn me that she was going to come and everything else faded out until nothing was left but the feel of Alex below me, knowing she was close and her leg pushed hard against me. It was her name on my lips when I came, it usually is, only this time it was real and she came right after me.

Thinking about it stirs me again and I lift my head slightly in order to lick the skin of her neck. It's salty and sweet at the same time. I lift up more and continue licking her neck further down. I'm moving down to her chest where I take a breast in my mouth, gently this time as I swirl my tongue around her nipple. I stiffen my tongue and push onto her nipple. I hear her moan. I score my teeth along the underside of her breast before moving lower. I nibble at her sides and she starts to squirm below me. I kiss lower still stopping at her belly button to lick around it before blowing softly on the wet skin. She's moaning and I can feel her hips raise seeking contact. I reach the waist of her jeans and run my finger below the fabric feeling the top of her underwear. I kiss the skin just above the waistband and pull myself up until I'm sitting back on my heels between her legs. My hands reach out to the button of her jeans.

"Off," I say as I release the button and slowly slide the zipper down. I hear a soft sigh as I feel Alex raise her hips allowing me to pull her jeans down. I make sure to take her underwear with her jeans. There will be another time for seeing sexy thongs, right now I need her naked. She flips off her shoes as I pull her jeans and underwear down her legs until they fall to the floor where they are instantly forgotten. I slide my hands back up her long lean legs. My hands reach her thighs where I caress her inner thighs. I lay down on my stomach as I spread her legs. I kiss her where I had just caressed with my hands. I smell her, I smell the sex coming from just above me. I spread her legs even further apart as she bends her knees to accommodate me even more. I slide my arms through the bend in her knees and place my hands on her thighs and pull her to me.

She is impossibly wet. I know she's come twice but I'm still surprised at how coated she is with her own juices. I push my face to her center and breath in as I take in her glistening lips. My heart is racing and I'm nearly overwhelmed by the sensations of being between her legs. My tongue reaches out and I drag it from the very bottom of her slit all the way up to her clit collecting as much of her juice as I can. When I pull my tongue back into my mouth, soaked in her juices I finally fully taste her. Words can't describe her taste, other than perfect. It's an unbelievable mix of sweet and rich and what I can only assume to just be Alex. I can't help but moan at my first taste of her. Now that's I've tasted her I know I need so much more. I dip my head back down and make another long pass up her wet slit. I kiss her lower lips and pull them into my mouth. She's panting now. I make another few long licks before tensing my tongue and pushing it into her. I hear her moan deep and long. I pull my tongue out and push back in a few times before making another lick to collect her juices as I bring my tongue to her clit.

I push her clit with my tongue and hear her say, "Oh God yes." I take her clit between my lips and squeeze them together. "Fuck," she hisses. I let go and place my mouth over her swollen bud. I suck in just a little to add a different pressure then swipe my tongue back and forth across her clit. "Oh fuck... Oh God" she moans. I change direction and flick up and down earning more moans from above. I slide my right hand below my chin and drag two fingers through her wet heat to coat them. I place my fingers at her entrance putting just enough pressure to let her know my intentions but not entering her. Her hand flies to my head while her other hand grips the sheets. "Please," I hear her say, "please." I use my tongue and change directions again on her clit going back swiping back and forth as I push two fingers deep into her. Her moan turns into a deep groan from the back of her throat as I enter her. I wait a moment allowing her to adjust. She's so tight and so wet, so hot it's hard for me to wait, but I do. I'm still working her clit with my tongue when I hear her, "Please. Oh God, please."

I pull my fingers back until they are just inside her then push them back in. "Fuck, yes." Encouraged I repeat my actions slightly faster this time. "Fuck, please, Olivia, please, faster," I hear her beg. I begin a steady speed inside her while my tongue continues to assault her clit, faster than before. I can feel it getting harder and harder as I push into her with more speed. Her hand has abandoned my head and is now above her head holding the headboard. Her hips are beginning to move with my rhythm and I can no longer keep my mouth on her clit. I lift my head and focus on my hand and my rhythm. I look above and see her head thrashing back and forth on the bed as she pants. Her pillow is gone, she has thrown it, somewhere and her hand is now gripping the mattress just above her head. Her hips are pumping against my hand as I try to keep up with her. She's making sounds they aren't quite words nor are they moans.

When she does speak again she nearly yells, "Fuck, Olivia, harder! Fuck me!" My hand speeds up even faster. I'm slamming into her hard and deep. "Fuck, Olivia! Oh God... I need to come. Fuck me! Make me come!" I change my angle, curl my fingers and push into her as my palms hits her clit. Two more pumps exactly like that and she's coming. "Oooooohhhhh! Fuuuuuuuuckkkk! Her inner canal grips my fingers over and over and over as her hips freeze in the air above the mattress and her shoulders slam into the bed. Her body convulses and shakes a few more times before her hips fall to the bed and her legs fall open. I wait as her insides tremble slightly. Once I'm sure she's done I slowly pull my fingers out of her. I hear a deep, sated moan come from her. My fingers are coated with her juices and I happy suck them into my mouth to clean them. I desperately want to lick her clean but I'm sure she must be too sensitive for any stimulation at all.

I crawl up her body and kiss her allowing her to taste herself on me. She hums her contentment into my mouth. She breaks the kiss and tilts her head up to me as she opens her eyes and smiles.

"Wow," she says.

"Wow," I repeat. I see her struggling to keep her eyes open. I kiss her forehead softly and tell her to close her eyes.

She starts to weakly protest, "but,... you...".

"_I_ am going to take off my pants, find your pillow then climb back into bed with you and hold you while you sleep until I fall asleep Alex," I say as I pull back from her and slide to the edge of the bed. I take off my shoes and take off my pants as a quickly look around for her pillow. I find it on the floor on the opposite side of the bed that Alex had been on. I grab the pillow and crawl back into bed where Alex is watching me with sleepy eyes. I settle next to her with my head of the pillow. I hold my arms out and she wastes no time in crawling into my warm embrace. Her head is lying on my chest as she half lies on me half on the bed. Her right leg is tossed over my left and settles between mine. I lean forward and kiss her head. She lifts her head and kisses me on the lips.

"I owe you one," she mutters.

I just chuckle. I hear her breathing quickly even out and whisper, "good night Alex."

"Mmmpht," she mumbles. Within a few minutes we're both breathing even as we fall asleep together.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing, sadly. Well Melanie came from my own head...

Rated: MA

My very first fic ever, PLEASE be kind, I'm sorry if it sucks.

Summary: Alex heads out to a bar at the behest of her best friend. Her life will never be the same.

Notes: A smutless chapter, sorry. I hope you all continue to enjoy even without the smut. Please be kind, rewind. No wait, review not rewind. ;)

Alex's POV

I notice two things instantly as the sun begins to warm my face and wake me up. The first is the strong heavy thud I feel in my head as I silently swear my vengeance on Melanie as I have no doubts that the thump in my head is directly related to now EX best friend. Next time we go out she's toast, I have no problems whatsoever using all my familial wealth to ensure that next time I buy her every single drink and shot in the bar.

I opt to keep my eyes closed as I take in the other thing I notice, my body. It's sore. Without even moving I know that a number of muscles were put into action last night that haven't been seen action in quite sometime. It's a few more moments before my mind is firing on all cylinders and it occurs to me that if the muscles are sore, obviously I must have left the bar with someone. If I can't immediately recall who it was that I left with I find myself with no choice but to find out. And so I do. I open my eyes expecting to see some random face of whatever man I apparently let come home with me but instead I find just an empty space next to me. That's when I hear movement coming from my bathroom. I grab the sheet as I sit up to face my stranger and cover myself before he can come back and catch me naked. I know he saw me naked last night but that was last night and last night and this morning are two very different things.

When the bathroom door finally opens and my mystery man steps out I'm shocked to see that it's not a man at all. Not only is it not a man, I'm even more shocked to find myself looking into the eyes of Olivia Benson. Actually, I'm stunned into stupidity. I feel my jaw open to speak but nothing comes out. I, Alexandra Jacqueline Cabot, Harvard Law graduate, Manhattan Assistant District Attorney, woman who has made her life based on words, has absolutely nothing to say. I cannot find a single word. I don't even know what... I realize in my stunned silence that the sheet has fallen from my hands. I notice Olivia's eyes break contact with mine and travel down to my chest. I look down and quickly grab the sheet to cover myself again. I'm trying to process the fact that I'm naked, I've clearly had sex and that all signs point to Olivia Benson being my partner from last night when I hear Olivia clear her throat.

"Umm, I hope you don't mind but I used your shower. I got called in and thought I could get a quick shower in before I headed out. I'm sorry if I woke you up, I tried to be as quiet as I could. I was going to leave you a note if you were still asleep when I got done, but, uhh, since you're awake, uhh, well... I should probably go, I told Elliot I'd be there in 30. So I should run."

I can't do anything but nod my head. She takes a step towards me and I feel my eyes widen, despite my best efforts to keep a straight face. She stops and looks down as she shoves her hands into her pockets.

"I'll... I'll call you if we need a warrant, or you know." And with that she heads out of my bedroom. A moment later I hear the front door open and close.

I still haven't moved, I'm not sure I'll ever be able to, so I remain frozen with my mouth hanging open and my sheets still clutched to my chest. When I'm finally able to move I head to the bathroom and grab my robe off the door. Wrapped up I trudge to the kitchen to start a pot of coffee. With the coffee starting I head back to the bathroom and turn on the shower. I step out of my robe and into the shower.

I love my shower, some women love baths, but I love showers. When I bought my apartment the first thing I did was renovate the shower. My shower went from a standard shower to a large walk-in shower with a small tile seat in the corner. The basic shower head was replaced with multiple high pressure shower heads one which is a multifunction handheld shower head. It's a toss-up if that's my favorite piece or not. It's wonderful after a long day at work, the massage function always managed to work the knots out of my neck saving the disaster of attempting a massage, which I hate. Directly above my head are my other favorite additions to the shower. Four perfectly placed rainshower faucets which were installed primarily for my love of standing in the shower and letting it wash the day away. I've been known to spend up to a half an hour just standing under those jets. This morning might be one of those times.

As I step into the shower and turn on the overhead jets I try to put everything together. I brought Olivia home with me and spent the night having sex with her. I don't even remember how that actually came to be. I was in the bar. I remember Melanie pushing drinks down my throat and things get quite fuzzy from there. I thought I'd been dancing with some random stranger... How did that random stranger become Olivia? I decide I don't want to think about that right now, so I tilt my head up and let the water hit my face and engulf me. I stay there, in the safety of my shower until I feel the water begin to cool. Reluctantly I turn off the shower and towel off. Since it's Sunday I allow myself the comfort of a favorite pair of torn, baggy jeans that I've had since college. I toss on a ratty Harvard sweatshirt and head to the kitchen, directly to the coffee machine.

After pouring myself a cup of coffee I head to the living room couch and settle in. I welcome the first hot sip of the dark liquid. I turn on the tv and the sounds of a 24 hour news station fills the room. I continue to sipping from my coffee cup, passively listening to the news as the caffeine begins to work its way into my system, pushing through the fog from last night's alcohol.

As the fog begins to clear I start to get quick clips from last night as they flash through my mind. I see Olivia and I dancing. I see her pressing me against the wall. Oh my God, I see myself coming from her attention to my breasts and just that attention alone. I feel myself flush from embarrassment just at the thought. The night is no longer just clips as I see her bring me to orgasm a second time. And the third time? By the third time I had apparently just let go entirely. What the hell had come over me? I never let go of my control that way and certainly not the first time I'm ever with someone. I have to trust the person I'm with immensely before I fully let go when I'm with them but yet last night I completely surrendered to my base needs and I can't take it back. I'm so embarrassed by my behavior from last night I just want to crawl into a hole and never come out again. And yet I can't. Yet I still have to work with Olivia. I drop my head into my hands and sigh. What the hell am I going to do? I pick up the phone off the table next to me and sigh as I dial Melanie's number.

Olivia's POV

I wake up surrounded by Alex. I'm tucked in behind her, holding her tight to me, my head buried in the back of her neck. Every breath I take is filled with the smell of Alex. I could get used to waking up like this. Wait, I take that back, since it occurs to me that I woke up because I could hear my phone buzzing which can only mean one thing, a case. I'd rather wake up surrounded by Alex of my own accord, not due to a case which will rip me from this wonderful spot. I quietly and carefully crawl out of the bed, hoping I don't wake Alex. I find my discarded pants and grab my phone from the belt. I look at the caller id and sure enough it's Elliot.

"Hey Elliot, what's up?" I whisper. He gives me the details and I agree to meet him in 30 minutes at the scene.

I collect my strewn clothing from the floor and head to the bathroom. As much as I hate to make use of Alex's bathroom without her permission, I really need to shower before heading out to the scene. I quietly shut the door and strip out of my underwear. Turning to the shower to turn it on I'm faced with, well I'm not sure what I'm looking at. Her large walk-in shower has three shower heads coming out of the wall and above are four more square shower heads. On the wall just before stepping into the shower I see what I assume is the on/off button temperature thing. No hot and cold knob , just a knob with choices of how exactly I want the water to flow and one knob with a digital color read out for the temperature. I turn the knobs randomly and pray for a simple stream of warm water. Somehow I luck out and get a warm stream of water from just one jet. I rinse myself as quickly as I can and hop out. It takes another minute to get the shower to turn off. Only Alex would have a shower that requires a PhD just to turn on and off I think as I grab a towel and dry off before quickly redressing.

When I step out of the bathroom Alex is awake and sitting up, staring at me. Her jaw goes slightly slack. Her sheet falls from her hands and my eyes travel down to her chest, yup still as gorgeous as last night. Now I really wish I hadn't been woken up for a call out. Suddenly my view is covered. She's clutching the sheet to her looking a little like a deer in the headlights. Oh shit. I clear my throat and start talking, or babbling is more like it.

"Umm, I hope you don't mind but I used your shower. I got called in and thought I could get a quick shower in before I headed out. I'm sorry if I woke you up, I tried to be as quiet as I could. I was going to leave you a note if you were still asleep when I got done, but, uhh, since you're awake, uhh, well... I should probably go, I told Elliot I'd be there in 30." Shut up Olivia, shut up! "So I should run." She just nods, not saying a thing I take a step towards her but see her eyes grow big so I stop. I'm now nervous and I feel awkward. I shove my hands into my pockets to keep from nervously wringing them and look away from Alex.

"I'll... I'll call you if we need a warrant, or you know," I say just before I book it out of her apartment. Once I reach the elevator and push the button to call it I take a moment to breath.

"Shit" I say to no one as I step into it. My happy mood from a little while ago is now gone, I'm officially in a very foul mood. Hell, screw that, I'm pissed. How the hell could I let this happen? Just because it seemed like she wanted this all last night I should have known better. I should have taken in slow, I should have dated her, I should have made sure she was sure this was what she wanted.

A half an hour ago I was waking up next to the woman of my dreams with the possibilities of it being the first of many times and now I'm certain it will never happen again. Part me of wishes that I won't have a single moment to call her because I just have no idea what I would say. Part of me is even pissed at her for letting this happen, it's an irrational anger but it's there nonetheless and I let it reside within me because anger is a much easier emotion than the other one threatening me. If I don't focus on the anger I'll feel the hurt that hit me like a bullet when I saw her clutch her sheet to cover herself. So I force myself to focus on the anger. By the time I arrive at the scene I'm stewing in anger. When Elliot starts to tease me about my attire and mentions something about "the walk of shame" I lose it.

"Shut the hell up!" I yell. "For just a minute, just one fucking minute, can you just shut up and not be an ass? Is my personal life really all that interesting that it takes precedence to a fucking crime scene? I don't know about you but I'm here to work a crime scene not pry into YOUR life so maybe you could do the same thing and leave me the fuck alone!" I storm off into the building leaving a stunned Elliot and a few crime scene techs out on the sidewalk.

I step inside the scene and take a deep breath. I was wrong to lash out at Elliot, I know that but when he mentioned the walk of shame I lost it. Probably because he was right, I had done the walk of shame and the truth hurts. But that didn't make it right for me to yell at Elliot when he truly meant no harm.

I look at him as he steps into the room, "Elliot..."

"Let's just work," he says as he walks past me.

"Fuck," I mutter as I follow him into the gruesome scene.

At least I can focus on the crime scene and not my emotions, or so I'd hoped. My head knows I need to be present at the scene, and I try, but it's nearly impossible as my mind keeps traveling back to this morning and the feelings of hurt and anger from before. I never should have let it go as far as it did last night. I'm angry at myself for giving in to the temptation of a night with her. I'm angry at her for giving me a taste of heaven and with one look taking it away. I'm angry that I let my emotions get the best of me and that I took it out on Elliot. And I'm angry that I can't for the life of me focus on the Goddamn crime scene.

It's an hour before Elliot and I finish at the crime scene and head back to the precinct. He drove a cruiser to the scene so we share the ride back. The ride is silent. It's me who finally breaks the silence.

"Elliot, I'm sorry." I glance over at him but he keeps his eyes trained on the road.

"Liv, you know I would never mean to pry into your life. It was a stupid, bad joke. I didn't mean anything by it."

I sigh, he's apologizing to me when it should be the other way around. "I know you didn't mean anything by it and normally, I'd just laugh along it... It just came at a sore time."

"I'm afraid to ask but do you want to talk about it?" He asks.

Yes. "No." I turn to stare out the window. I so desperately want to talk about it but I don't know how Elliot would take it all.

"Well, you know I'm always here if you need."

"I slept with Alex last night," I blurt out. Shit.

Elliot looks over his shoulder then pulls the car out of traffic and into an illegal spot against the curb. He turns in his seat and simply looks at me saying nothing, allowing me to continue on my time.

I sigh, "I went out to a bar last night, I needed to... well I just needed to get out of the apartment." I opt to keep the more personal reasons of my choice to go out last night to myself. "I saw her there and well to make a long story a bit shorter, she took me home with her. That's where I was when you called me. Anyway, just before I left she woke up and well, I get the feeling that she was surprised and perhaps not thrilled to see me there. I fucked up Elliot. I mean she's been my dream woman for as long as I can remember and now the reality of it is that she most definitely does not feel the same way. And now, not only do I have to deal with that rejection, with the knowledge of what it's like to be with her but never get to have that again, I also I have to continue working with her. I mean what if I screwed up the relationship she has with us, she's our ADA and I screwed that up for us." I sigh and stare at the dashboard I can't look at him, I can't bear to see the hatred he must have for me for screwing everything just just for my own stupid wants and needs. "I'm so sorry," I say to him. But not just for him alone, to the squad, to Alex, to myself.

"I didn't know... About you or about Alex," he says without judgement in his voice.

"Oh, she's not... I am, but she's not."

"Oh," I hear the understanding of the situation in his voice. "I doubt Alex would treat the squad different just because of last night, I mean she was there too and she made her choice so she can't blame you. And like I said, I doubt she would treat us different because of that. I know it's hard now, but things will settle. You're feeling everything right now and it just happened so it's all that much more intense right now. If things don't settle, you'll just have to talk to her. You're both adults and you can both talk this out so things are at least workable if it's that bad. Give yourself a little time to sort it all out. I'm sorry your feelings weren't reciprocated, there's nothing I can do to make that change, but I can promise that I'm always here if you need to talk. No judgment. Ever."

We sit in silence for a few minutes, each of us caught up in our own thoughts. Elliot eventually puts the car into drive and pulls back into traffic. We're nearly back at the station when I finally whisper a quiet thanks to Elliot. Talking has helped me enough to be able to focus on our case. For now thoughts of Alex and last night are pushed to the side. I'll have to figure out what I'm going do about it all later.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing, sadly. Well Melanie came from my own head...

Rated: MA

My very first fic ever, PLEASE be kind, I'm sorry if it sucks.

Summary: Alex heads out to a bar at the behest of her best friend. Her life will never be the same.

Notes: For those of you who were expecting and or hoping for a fluff piece, fair warning, this is not. But if you bear with me, I hope you'll enjoy the story regardless. :) Also, I definitely want to be one of those people who can update daily but sadly fanfiction will not pay the bills. :( But I'll try not to let too long go by between updates. As always, I'd love to know I'm not boring you all or sucking too much ;)

**Alex's POV**

"Hey Tiny Dancer, to what do I owe this rather unexpected call? Shouldn't you be doing the naked tango right about now?" Melanie's overly joyful voice in my ear as she picks up my call makes me want to hang up on her but I know what she's thinking. She's assuming I'm calling to gush about rainbow and unicorns now that I've had a woman.

"Melanie," I grind out through a clenched jaw. Years of practice has Melanie's ears picking up my tone.

"Alright," she sighs, "I'm making coffee, hold on." I hear the coffee grinder and wait patiently for her to give me go ahead. "Okay, I'm good. So?"

"What the hell happened last night? How much alcohol did you give me? I slept with a co-worker last night. A FEMALE co-worker."

"Okay and you're clearly freaked out about it. Which part freaks you out the most? The co-worker part or the female part?"

"Both! It's a co-worker so that's not good at all, and it's a woman. A woman! I'm not gay."

"If you were, would that be a bad thing?"

"That's irrelevant since I'm not."

"Okay, okay. So you're not gay but you slept with a woman last night. So what? Does it really warrant this amount of energy you're putting into it? Why can't you just chalk it up as a night of fun? You did have fun didn't you?"

"Evidently I did. What I remember seems to allude to the fact that I did."

"Okay so it was a night of fun. That's that. Not worth freaking out about right?"

"Right. I guess. But I still have to work with her."

"So?"

"Um, remember Porter?"

"Asshole freshman sophomore year Porter?"

"Yeah. Remember what happened, why we broke up?"

"Yeah, you guys went away for a weekend and you let yourself get a little wild in bed with him. And when you guys came back he was a complete dick. He got drunk and then started sharing all your weekend secrets to his buddies. Told them about your propensity towards dirty talk when you allow yourself and a few more intimate details that I never needed to know. He completely humiliated you, so I slept with all his girlfriends post-you and talked about THAT with all his buddies. Oh good times..."

I can't help but chuckle at that. I try not to be petty and to succumb to revenge. However, in my defense, I didn't plan that revenge. Melanie did. And though I feel that revenge is childish, I couldn't help but feel a wave of vengeful happiness every time Melanie would walk up to him when he was with his friends and inform him of the number of orgasms she had given his current girlfriend the night before. But that was then and we're adults now.

"Last night I lost control like that weekend. I mean I didn't DO anything risque, well aside from sleeping with a woman, but I lost that filter I tend to keep on my mouth when in bed. And now I have to work with this woman who's seen that side of me. What if she says something about it? What if she acts like Porter?"

"Do you really think she would Alex?"

"Of course not, but..."

"Then it's a moot point." She's right, I know she is but that won't stop the fear from sneaking into my thoughts.

"Yeah... Anyway, I don't want to keep you and I should probably open a file or two today..."

"Yeah, me too. Listen Al, I love you. Everything will be fine. Call me if you need me okay?"

"I love you too Mel, bye."

And with that I hang up feeling partially better than before though certainly not at peace about it all. I eye my briefcase by the door and sigh as I push myself from the couch to grab it. Carrying it back to the couch I take a small pleasure in knowing that work will help take my mind off the events of last night and this morning. I pull out a large stack of files and start with the top one. I grab my glasses from their case and a pen and get to work.

I'm not sure how many hours have gone by since I started in on my files but I notice the fading light in my apartment as I finally lift my head up to check the clock on the cable box. The clock reads 7:49PM and I can't help but wonder where on earth the day went. My stomach takes the opportunity to alert me to the fact that I have eaten nothing all day long. Suddenly I'm famished. I consider my options though since my cupboards are basically bare, my options are take out or delivery. Delivery usually takes thirty to forty-five minutes and I'm not sure I can handle waiting that long so I resign myself to going out. Grabbing a pair of sneakers I decide the Thai place down the street is perfect, they're fast and the food's great.

The walk to the restaurant only takes a few minutes as I step into the restaurant and head in the direction of the counter for a take-out order I notice a figure with their back to me. In twenty four hours in a city of millions I happen to be in the same place at the same time again as Olivia. I briefly consider turning around and leaving before she can see me, I don't know if I can talk to her right now. Even though I know she wouldn't have any idea if I were to leave without saying anything, decades of deeply ingrained manners won't allow me to do so. So I step into the line behind her and wait for her to finish and turn around.

**Olivia's POV**

It has been a long day that has taken us all over the city. After a few hours of tracking down leads and information Elliot and I headed back out to follow up with some possible leads. Most of the day has been pretty normal. After my little show at the crime scene and my talk with Elliot I'd been able to keep my mind mostly on the task at hand. That was until our last interview of the day which took us to Alex's neighborhood. I hate that I now know where she lives, it's just more salt in my wound for today. Somehow I manage to push it from my mind long enough to make it through the interview. Once Elliot and I finish we both decide there's nothing left for us to do and so we decide to pack it in for the day. He offers to five me a ride home but I decline, I'm ready to lick my wounds alone.

I decide to walk for a bit before the smell of food hits my nose and I realize it's been a very long day sustained mainly on coffee and the one stale bagel from earlier today. I decide to stop in and get something to go then I can grab a cab home. I step in and grab a menu. It's standard Thai fare so I order my usual, chicken Pad Thai. After paying I step to the side and out of the way to wait for the "few" minutes they claim it will be. That's when I see her and for just a moment my stomach drops and I feel slightly nauseous. It's Alex who breaks the moment.

"Hello Olivia." Her tone is serious and formal. I can't help the twinge of sadness that runs through me at the sound of her voice.

"Hi," I respond wishing I had something more to say but unfortunately I don't know what to say.

"How's the case?" Good, work, I can talk work.

"It's coming along. We've been following leads and checking alibis basically all day long. Elliot and I were in the area following a lead and now we're sort of at a stand still, so we decided to call it a night. I was walking by this place so I decided to grab something to take home." Okay maybe I can't really talk about work, there's not much to tell her and now I'm just filling time.

"I see," she says.

Just then I hear the guy at the take-out counter call me for my food. I'm impossibly thrilled that it didn't take long while at the same time I'm saddened by that fact. There was a time, yesterday, when I would have given anything to stand in the presence of Alex, just to enjoy her company and now it's just so awkward, I need to not be here. I step over and grab my takeout bag.

"Well, I guess... I'll see you. Have a good night Alex."

"Good night Olivia."

And with that, for the second time today I find myself running away from Alex as fast as I can without actually running. I step outside and take a deep breath. My free hand runs through my hair out of frustration and I shake head at the situation as I flag down a cab. It's about a fifteen minute ride to my apartment, fifteen minutes that I use to berate myself. Not only have I created an impossible situation, I'm too awkward to even attempt to smooth it out. I know Elliot said I need to give it time but right now I feel like it's never going to get better. By the time I arrive at my apartment I'm completely miserable and not even slightly hungry so I pick at my luke warm food before giving up and placing it in the fridge. I head to the bedroom, plug my phone in beside the bed and strip out of my clothes, they aren't helping my mood. Even though it's just barely nine o'clock I climb into my bed anyway. I'm exhausted from a combination of very little sleep last night, full day of leads and running around the city and of course the mental exhaustion brought on by last night's actions. I close my eyes and am asleep instantly.

**Alex's POV**

I wake up breathing heavy, my inner muscles clenching and quivering as an orgasm pulses through my body. When my heart rate slows and my body comes back down to me I can't help but wonder what the hell? After running into Olivia I'd headed home and forced down some food eventually abandoning it as I found I was poking at it more than eating it. I'd taken a shower and then settled into bed. Sleep had come quickly tonight, for which I was glad, I didn't want to fight with my thoughts tonight.

I'd dreamt I was on a vacation somewhere tropical. I'd been laying out, tanning I presume when a faceless stranger had appeared. The stranger began rubbing circles on my stomach before moving their hand up and down from the top of my bikini bottoms to the underside of my breast. I began to breath heavy as the stranger whispered into my ear, "You can't deny the feeling you get when I touch you." My breast is covered by their hand as they gently squeezed and rubbed whispering to me about not fighting the feelings. My breathing became labored as I felt their leg settled between mine to push against me. The stranger leans over me to kiss me as they push harder into me. It's when I notice the stranger isn't a stranger but rather I'm looking into the eyes of Olivia as the orgasm builds and I wake up.

Never in my life can I remember having a sex dream and the first time I have one it's with a woman, the woman who was in my bed last night. I refuse to think about what that might mean though I know it's can't mean much more than an awoken libido. I mean, I'm not gay so it's not like I'm having sex dreams about women for that reason, it must be because I've got left over hormones and that's how they seem to manifest. Just goes to show how long it's been since I've been with a man, my body is raging with hormones and yet it can't seem to remember what it's like to sleep with a man. I force myself to believe what I'm saying and roll back over hoping I can fall back asleep and perhaps have a dreamless sleep.

When my alarm goes off at 5:45 I wake up with a small prayer of thanks for the few hours of dreamless sleep. I get up, shower and get dressed for the day. I pick up some coffee on the way into the office, arriving by 7. I know it will be a few hours before the office is truly up and active and should I be needed today it will likely be a while before the requests for warrants start coming in. My assumption is right, it's not until 1:30 in the afternoon when my phone finally rings.

"Alexandra Cabot," I answer.

"Alex it's Cragen, can you come down and watch a suspect interview?"

"Sure Don," I look at my watch, "I'll be over in about fifteen minutes." I hang up and pack a few things into my briefcase that I might need and head over to the 1-6.

I can't help but hope as I arrive at the precinct that it will be Olivia interviewing the suspect so my conversation with her will be as limited as possible. Nope, no such luck. As a walk into the bullpen I see Olivia and Elliot sitting at their respective desks.

"Detectives," I say as I announce myself. "Where am I heading?" Olivia nods towards interview room one and stands to follow as I head to the observation room. In the observation room I see Munch and Fin working a suspect. I try to focus solely on that but I feel Olivia standing behind me and it's hard to ignore her presence. I ask the room to fill me in and it's Olivia who answers.

"We picked him up after his DNA hit from fluids left at the scene. He's been claiming it wasn't him and he keeps telling us that he was there but he didn't kill the victim. He's been claiming he was forced there with a group he'd been a part of, denies knowing what they had planned. Says he'll give us a name of the leader if we cut him a deal but I'm sure he's just trying to point us elsewhere because he knows we've got him on rape and murder."

"Let's not try to make too many assumptions Detective. Are there signs of others at the scene?"

"Warner is still sifting through everything, though she says there's slight possibility he wasn't alone but I really don't think it's worth a deal, I mean we have his DNA at the scene, his prints, all signs lead to him."

"If there's a bigger fish, I want it. Offer him 25 instead of life for a name."

"Alex, we have everything on him. His DNA is all over the vic. He brutalized her and then only after she had been tortured for hours did he finally kill her and put her out of her misery. We can get true justice for her. He's just making up a second person to get out of life."

"Detective, if there is another person behind this crime, someone we could stop from repeating, I want that person. 25 years is just as much justice if we get two people instead of just one. Make the deal and get me a name." With that I head back to the office, not waiting to hear anymore arguments, not wanting to be there any longer than necessary.

**Olivia's POV**

Moments after Alex leaves, Fin and Munch enter the observation room.

"So what's the plan," Fin asks.

"We offer him 25 years for a name," I spit out.

"What? He's lying to us, there is no name. All that does is make us look like suckers," Fin responds.

"I know."

"Well what the hell? Since when does Cabot take the word of a perp over ours?"

I sigh, "I don't know, just... just give him the offer," I say as I walk walk out, back to my desk. I'm pissed that Alex believes some murdering slime and is willing to make us look like fools by playing into his claim. Why on earth would she do that to us? I briefly wonder if she's doing it to get back at me. My head says no, but my heart, the part of me that's been hurting since yesterday thinks that anything is possible. When Munch and Fin come back from the interrogation room with a name Elliot and I start researching into the name. We quickly realize we've been played, just as we suspected. Our second "perp" has been in a coma for two and a half years. Munch and Fin head back to the interrogation room and Elliot follows heading to the observation room. I opt out, I have something I need to take care of I tell them before I grab my jacket and head out.

It's only about ten minutes before I find myself standing outside Alex's door. I've told her secretary that I do not need to be announced and ignore her as she makes a feeble attempt to stop me from entering Alex's office.

"What the hell Alex?" I storm in without knocking. Alex looks up from her files.

"Excuse me?" she says as she raises a sculpted eyebrow at me. "Did I miss the memo stating that barging into one's office is now the accepted form of social politeness?"

"Screw that. You let us get played. We told you he acted alone, but you forced us to look like a bunch of idiots, giving him what he wanted. His "partner" has been in a coma for two and a half years and now not only are we his own personal joke, we've wasted time. And it's YOUR fault!" I'm in full tirade mode now helpless to stop the next words out of my mouth. "Since when do you not believe us? If this is some sort of stupid retribution because of what happened between you and I..."

"Get out." The words are so quiet I barely catch them but they're spoken with such vehemence that they're impossible not to hear.

"What?"

"I said get out Detective." She stands up behind her desk and folds her arms over her chest.

"No, we need to talk about this, this cannot happen just because you're pissed at me."

"How dare you? First off, if you think that I opted to make a deal with a perp just to get back with you then you're just... just, ugh, you're insane if you think I'd jeopardize a case just because I lost control and slept with you. Do you think you're that special? I truly believed we could have taken someone else off the streets, it had NOTHNG to do with you. Secondly, don't you dare, ever, insinuate again that I would stoop so low as to hang a co-worker out to dry simply for revenge. Now if you're through degrading my work ethic, it's time for you to leave." She walks around her desk and opens her door staring at me with cold eyes waiting for me to leave. She's right, I was acting insane. I know better than to assume she would behave like that. I pull my hand through my hair, embarrassed at my anger.

"Alex..." I want to apologize to her but she won't let me.

"Goodbye Detective."

My shoulders fall of their own accord as I give in and walk to the door. I leave without saying anything else and head back to the precinct.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing, sadly. Well Melanie came from my own head...

Rated: MA

My very first fic ever, PLEASE be kind, I'm sorry if it sucks.

Summary: Alex heads out to a bar at the behest of her best friend. Her life will never be the same.

Notes: Sorry this one took so long. It was tough to get this one from concept to story. I've never had to wrestle with the idea of being gay, when it occurred to me that I might be my first thought was something like: Oh, okay I guess I better look into this. Alex's struggles are hard for me to comprehend but I know that I'm lucky and that most people struggle at least a little if not a lot when it comes to sexuality. So this one took me longer in an effort to keep it "real" feeling. I hope my inexperience in this sort of thought process didn't put anyone off. Please let me know what you think. Enjoy! (I hope)

**Alex's POV**

It's been a little over a week since Olivia and I had it out in my office and I've seen her face to face only a few times. Requests for warrants have been over the phone and when it was necessary to get them in person it was never Olivia knocking on my door. In fact I only saw her three times, once during a line-up against the guy from last week, once for trial prep and once in court for his trial for which he did end up getting life. Though it was still a sensitive subject that he's managed to play us into running down a fake accomplice.

It was best that I hadn't seen Olivia in a while, I'd been even moodier than usual. It didn't help that I was having on and off dreams about her which made me on edge about everything. Not only was I waking up most of my mornings sexually wired from my dreams but I was also frustrated with myself for having those dreams and for being affected by them. I'd wake up wound tighter than a spring but unwilling to take care of my "problem". The thing is, I fell into that trap once, last week when I woke up I was so wound up I decided to take matters into my own hands. It was a fine way to start the day but the real problem with that was the feelings I fought all day long that day. Guilt and shame topped the list. Guilt for allowing my mind to use Olivia as a catalyst followed quickly by shame for being aroused by something that was so not naturally me. I called Melanie that night.

"Alex, so you got aroused by your dream. It's not the worst thing in the world."

"But it doesn't make sense, I'm not gay. I was engaged once. I've only ever been with men, well except... you know."

"It doesn't always have to make sense Al."

"It does to me."

My week continued with about ninety percent of my mornings starting out with me waking to another one of "those" dreams. I was constantly frustrated. Frustrated with my mind for using Olivia as a catalyst, frustrated at my inability to control my dreams and truthfully, I was sexually frustrated from waking up every morning on edge. Consequently I was earning my title "Ice Queen" everywhere I went. The only person who seemed to escape my wrath was Olivia and that was only because I basically never saw her and the few times that I did see her I focused entirely on work in an effort to ignore the elephant in the room. Everyone else, however, was fair game. By the end of the week I was surprised that I wasn't on most of the general population's hit list.

Melanie came over to have dinner with me claiming she'd "chance dinner in the belly of the beast". We've been friends for so long that even my worst moods don't scare her, she's seen them all. Her solution to my anger is generally to make jokes, bad ones, and laugh, usually at my expense so tonight when she arrived she was in top form.

"I come bearing food to sooth the savage beast," she says as she walks into my apartment directly to the kitchen. My apartment is like a second home to her so she needs no direction about where to go or what to do. As she begins laying out take-out containers on the kitchen bar she continues her supposed jokes. "Also, you should know that I've told people I was coming here tonight. They expect to hear from me tomorrow."

"You're hilarious tonight," I spit out sarcastically. "Am I paying for this dinner and show because if so I want my money back." I stare at her with my courtroom stare which of course doesn't phase her at all.

"Oh please, ALEXANDRA, the stare? Really? You should know by now that your silly little stare does nothing to me."

"That's because you're always too drunk to realize how deadly it can be."

"Not now I'm not. Yet. The night is young my dear, for us both."

"If you think I'm stupid enough to let you get me drunk again... That's how I got into this whole entire mess to begin with."

"Rest assured Alex, tonight may end up with you drunk, but I promise you, I sure as hell ain't sleeping with you. You're straightness shall remain intact."

I groan out a sigh as I pinch the bridge of my nose and remind myself that I love Melanie, I love Melanie, I love Melanie. "Give me a damn drink, clearly I'm going to need it to deal with you tonight."

"Temper temper Ms. Cabot. How would your society ball gowns react if they heard you being so rude to a guest of yours," she says as she hands me a shot.

"You're not a guest," I tell her as I raise my glass to my lips. "You're more like a disease I can't get rid of," I mutter as I take the shot.

"Oh, Alex, I'm hurt. If I thought you actually meant that I'd leave." Once she's taken her shot she begins roaming through the kitchen getting plates and forks and glasses. She sets the glass and fork in front of me and begins piling food onto my plate. Once she's done she sets it in front of me and fills my glass with beer. Once she's done the same for herself she sits down next me. Before she digs into her food she looks at me seriously. "I love you Alex, we'll get it all figured out, I promise."

"I love you too Melanie. Thanks for being immune to my bitch."

She barks out a laugh and says, "Thanks for only ever threatening to kill me and not actually doing so," before taking a bite of her food and instructing me to eat.

We eat amicably talking about work and other "safe" subjects as I once again avoid the elephant in my life. I know she will make me talk about it but I hope that I can stall it until we are at least done with dinner. Once we're done eating I clean the dishes while Melanie packs up the leftovers from dinner and places them in my fridge. We grab two more beers forgoing the glasses this time as I've already turned on the dishwasher and Melanie knows how much I hate have dishes in the sink, even two glasses. We settle onto the couch in the living room and Melanie only gives me a moment before pinning me with HER stare and saying, "Alright, so let's talk."

The moment I knew I couldn't put off has arrived. I sigh and start talking.

"I just don't know why I'm having these dreams. I don't know why I can't stop them."

"Well, you know what they say about one's unconscious," Melanie answers.

"No, I refuse to believe that deep down my unconscious wants women. It doesn't work that way."

"What doesn't work what way?"

"A person doesn't just wake up one day gay. You either are or you aren't."

"What? That's ridiculous Alex and you know it. I'd say more than half the people who are attracted to the same sex started out with the opposite sex. There are only a few people like me who never were attracted to the opposite sex. Some people live half their lives being attracted to the opposite sex then meet someone who changes that for them. But who cares about that. We can argue being gay another time. What I think we should really be talking about is why it matters to you so much."

"It doesn't matter..."

"I beg to differ Alex. These dreams have you wound so tight I'm afraid I'm going to get a call from you from jail asking me to bail you out because the barista screwed up your latte and you went postal. And need I point out your very hands-off approach to your unit this week? It's affecting your work and you NEVER let things affect your work. Clearly it does matter."

"It just doesn't make sense to me. I'm not gay, I like men, not women. I don't want to like women."

"Maybe you don't like women. Maybe you like one woman. Didn't you say that your dreams were only about Olivia? Maybe it's just her."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better or worse because I think it's making it worse."

"It's not supposed to make you feel better or worse, just a possibility that I'm pointing out." Melanie stops for a moment and just stares at me, as though she's mapping out her next set of thoughts. "Alex, would it be the worst thing in the world if you were attracted to women?"

"I can't be attracted to women," I say as I shake my head.

"I hate to break it to you sweetie but I think you are, to one in particular at least. I promise you it isn't the worst thing ever. It's been a pretty good ride for me," she adds in an effort to make me laugh. She gets a smile out of me.

"It's different for you Mel."

"How so?"

"Being gay is easy for you. You're already gay to the world. You don't have to reinvent yourself as the now Gay Melanie. And you certainly don't have to completely reinvent your own mind frame about attractions. Your career won't be hindered by a lesbian relationship rather the connections you've made through various LGBT legal groups has only served to help your career. My career is pushed forward through my name and the very traditional values that people associate with it. It'd be like you suddenly coming out as straight."

"Gross," she says making us both laugh. Melanie's distaste for men and their body parts has been a long-standing joke between us. In college I would tell her about my nights with men and she'd run screaming from the room leaving me in hysterics. These days I'm fairly sure she's mature enough to talk about a night with men without running from the room, but I could be wrong about that.

"Okay Al, this is going to be the last thing I say about this for now. You may not be attracted to women, and you may not want to be attracted to one in particular, but you might just be. That's something you're just going to have to face and how you deal with it is your business but I'll always be here for you. Always. And so that's that for tonight... Oh no wait, one other thing, you need to talk to Olivia because you need to be able to work with her without screaming at her or avoiding her at all costs. So there, two things, talk to Olivia so you can work together and I'm always here for you. Yup that about sums it up." And with that I know we're done talking about all this tonight. Melanie only stays a little while longer claiming that while I'm sitting around denying myself any sexual pleasure she's far too hedonistic for that and therefore must go out and find the next notch for her belt. And just like that she's gone leaving me to contemplate the evening.

I change into my sleepwear and climb into bed. I've brought a few files with me into the bedroom, it's one of my nasty habits. I know work shouldn't be done in bed but what else am I going to do here? I choose a relaxing playlist off my iPod and hit the sleep button two times on the stereo dock giving myself an hour to look over files. I barely make it through one file before my mind starts to wander back to what Melanie told me earlier. I know she's right. I need to talk to Olivia and it would seem that she's right that I may not be attracted to women but I apparently am attracted to at least one and I do need to figure out how I'm going to handle that. For a brief moment I wonder what it would be like to just let go of everything that scares me, everything that holds me back. What if I just WASN'T Alexandra Jacqueline Cabot, Assistant District Attorney with sights on the DA's chair. What if I wasn't born into the lineage of society's blue bloods? What if every decision I made wasn't under constant scrutiny from colleagues, mentors and my family? What would it be like to be just Alex. I want that. I want to feel as though parts of my life are actually my own choices. I really need to talk to Olivia.

I pick up my phone off the bedside table. I look at the time, ten thirty on a Friday night. That's not too late right? What am I even going to say to her? What if she's mad at me for calling at such a late hour? What if it's a bad idea to talk to her? What if I should just let it die out and ignore it all? What if I make it worse? Oh hell, I start to scroll through my phone until I find her number. My finger hovers over the number as fear slows down my decision. I opt instead, to send a text message.

_We really need to talk. Are you free? -Alex_

I reread the message at least ten times before I finally tap "send" and breath out a deep sigh, of either relief or to steady my nerves as I wait for a response.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing, sadly. Well Melanie came from my own head...

Rated: M

My very first fic ever, PLEASE be kind, I'm sorry if it sucks.

Summary: Alex heads out to a bar at the behest of her best friend. Her life will never be the same.

Notes: The talk didn't turn out the way I had ORIGINALLY planned but I guess sometimes when you're writing a plan can go out the window too. ;) I hope, even if it didn't turn out how you wanted that you'll hang in there with me. I hope you all are continuing to enjoy the story. As always, reviews make me a happy writer. Well nice reviews, mean ones make me sad. ;)

**Olivia's POV**

It's been a week, no, two weeks? A month? Truthfully I'm not sure, avoiding Alex tends to mess up one's grasp on time. I know it feels like it's been a million weeks but I also know that's not true. I never realized how much I saw of Alex until I had to purposefully not see her. I'm not sure I've spent so much time finding interesting things to stare at on my desk ever. Every time we needed a warrant and the captain searched the room for someone to volunteer I instantly found my files fascinating. I basically did whatever possible to keep from being called upon if it involved Alex. There were those few times where I had no choice but to see her. The line-up was easy enough, "counselor" "detective" an identification and she was gone again. Trial prep was harder because we had to say more than one word to each other but some how we both put on our "let's get this over with" hats and managed to make it through as quickly and painlessly as possible. Of course in order to do that we had to completely ignore everything that had happened earlier that week, but sweeping under the rug seemed easy enough as we both silently agreed to do so. Court wasn't too bad either because we were in public and we were both far too professional to let our personal problems show up on the stand.

I've spent my days pouring myself into work, if I wasn't focused on it then it never happened, right? At night it was harder to deny. At night when I close my eyes I'd see Alex. In the quiet of the night I could hear her. Sometimes I was sure I'd smell that mix of baby powder and Alex. It was like sweet torture the memories of what I had were beautiful, the torture of knowing I would never have that again was, well, torture. Working was the only way to distract myself so I spent even more time at the precinct than before, which seems impossible. That's where I was when my phone buzzed alive. I'd been so engrossed in work that the phone jumping to life startled me, but what started me more was what was flashed across the screen. I had a text message from Alex. If after a week or so of silence between the two of us wasn't enough of a shock the message itself was a real doozy.

_We really need to talk. Are you free? -Alex_

For a moment my heart stops. She wants to talk? Now? About what? Well, I mean, I know what about, or least I'm sure I know what she wants to talk about but she wants to do it now? I don't know if I want to hear her say she wants nothing to do with me. I think knowing without hearing it is hard enough. Her telling me that she wants nothing to do with me might break me. I don't know if I can do this now. I consider not answering, I can claim I finally got a chance to go to sleep before one am. I think about lying, telling her I'm at a scene but then I know she'd know that was a lie eventually when she hears nothing about the supposed case I'd be working. Maybe I can be out on a date. Who am I kidding, she'd see right through that too. I swipe my thumb across the phone and am taken to the text messaging screen. I read and reread the message over and over wondering what to respond. I want to lie so I can avoid this all but I can't lie to Alex, I'll never be able to lie to her.

_I'm at the precinct working on 5s. Planning to head home soon. Should I call once I'm home?_

I hit send and try to focus on the DD5 staring at me but my eyes keep peering over to my phone as though it won't buzz when I get a response. Though I don't want to see the response, whatever it might be, I'm still willing it to light up. Perhaps I'm hoping to see something like, "I changed my mind, let's go back to ignoring everything" though I doubt that will flash across my screen anytime soon. After a few more minutes of waiting my screen finally lights up.

_I'd prefer to talk in person._

_Tonight?_ I send back.

_If possible, yes._

She wants to talk tonight? I don't know that I want to talk tonight but then again I'm fairly sure I won't have a time when I really want to talk about this. Perhaps it's best to just get this over with. The sooner it's over the sooner I can start attempting to be okay with it all.

_Sure, I can be there in about 20-30 minutes._

As I'm packing up my stuff and heading out my phone lights up one more time.

_That's fine. See you then._

**Alex's POV**

"You did what?" I hear Melanie's voice shouting into my ear. I'm not sure if she's shouting because it's loud where she is or she's upset with me. "What part of our conversation did you interpret as talk to her tonight after, what, an hour of thinking? Have you even had a chance to think about what you want or what you intend on saying? Have you thought this through Alex?"

I can't answer her. I don't have the answers she wants, at least not right now I don't. She interprets my silence as the answer that it is. "Listen, get off the phone and use the few minutes you have to attempt to put your thoughts together. Try to be honest with yourself about it all and hopefully you'll be honest with her. I don't know what else to say Al, just, good luck I guess." And with that she hangs up leaving me to contemplate whatever I can in the next while until Olivia shows up.

I take the time I have to change out of my sleepwear and into a pair of jeans and a simple v-neck tee. I waste more time by roaming through my apartment cleaning what little there is to clean. Once I've done everything I can to waste time I sit on the couch and wait. I'm not sure I've ever been this nervous before. I decide to make myself a drink. Tonight will not be one of those nights like the last time I was drinking in the presence of Olivia but I do need a little something to sip on and help take the edge off. I grab a tumbler out of the cupboard and drop a few ice cubes in and pour a few fingers of scotch over the ice. I swirl the liquid around in the cup as I walk back to the living room grabbing the phone as I walk by. I sit down and take a long sip of the amber liquid and let it burn down my throat. I dial downstairs to let the evening doorman know to let Olivia up I'm nervous enough, I don't need those last few minutes it would take to let her up and for her to get here because those extra minutes would possibly push me over the edge. With that done I have nothing left to do but wait. Again. The silence begins to get to me so I opt to turn on the living room stereo. A few flicks on the remote and I'm playing a classical playlist in the hopes that maybe the soothing music will help calm my nerves. If it does I don't have time to notice because shortly after the music starts playing there's a knock at my door. I take another long sip of my drink before sighing and tentatively making my way to the door. When I reach the door, I know I have no choice but to open it. I take a deep breath to steady myself. I quickly peek through the peephole to confirm it's Olivia and once that's confirmed I turn the knob and pull the door open.

Once the door is open and no longer standing between us we both take a moment to look each other over. I feel a bit like a fighter sizing up my contender though as I look closer at her I see the fatigue and strain in her eyes along with a shadow of fear. I don't know if it's because she's here to talk or if she's just that tired but she isn't holding herself like she usually does. Her shoulders are sagged just enough that a stranger in the street wouldn't notice but someone who knows Olivia would. For the first time since our argument I realize that it's possible this situation hasn't been easy for her either. That while she's not struggling with her idea of her own sexuality, she too, is still fighting her own battles. For the first time since our argument, I don't see her as something that is causing me anguish or confusion but instead I see her as the friend she was before we slept together. And as her friend, I can see that she needs her friend Alex tonight. We still need to talk, I can't fool myself into thinking I can get out of that but right now Olivia needs warmth not the analytical to the point Alex I'd thought I'd be. Neither of us have moved yet so I grab her by the arm and pull her into my apartment.

"Come inside, you look exhausted," I tell her as I nearly drag her into my apartment. As I shut and lock the door I hear her mutter a quiet somewhat resentful, "Gee thanks."

"I'm sorry Olivia, I didn't mean that the way it came out. Do you want me to hang up your jacket?"

"Sure," she says as she hands me her jacket. I turn to hang it up and when I turn back she hasn't moved from her spot. I walk past her hoping she'll take the hint to come with me and she does. I lead her towards the kitchen as I speak over my shoulder to her.

"Can I get you something to drink? Have you eaten at all today? And don't lie to me Olivia." I turn to her when I don't hear an answer. She's just looking at me with tired eyes.

"Alex can we just get this over with? Just tell me you want me to leave you alone unless it's work related and let me go home," she says to me before casting her eyes to the floor. As Olivia's friend, my heart breaks for her. While I'm still not one hundred percent sure of what I want to say to her I know it's that I don't want to have just a working relationship with her. I'd miss my friend Olivia too much.

I sigh, "Olivia, I didn't ask you here to tell you to get out of my life. I... Look, please come all the way inside and let me fix you some food." I can see she's about to protest so I cut her off with my hand and continue, "I have leftovers from tonight that I can warm up it's no problem at all and you can eat and then we can talk ok?" She remains silent and unmoving. "Please?" I ask her. Only then does she finally nod and walk to the other side of the kitchen bar where I'm standing and pulls out a stool and sits. I thank her before turning around to make her a plate of leftovers. Once the food is in the microwave being warmed up I turn to her again and ask what she'd like to drink.

"Oh I don't care, whatever you've got is fine." I refuse to let her be a passive player in tonight's evening.

"Well," I start, opening the fridge, "I've got beer, Diet Coke, bottled water, orange juice, tea, tomato juice, white wine." I close the fridge and turn to look at her before continuing. "Red wine, and I can list the contents of my liquor cabinet which is fully stocked and I will if you don't answer me." I finish my list by pinning her with my stare though I make sure it's not my courtroom stare but rather a stare that I hope will convey to her that I'm serious about listing my liquor cabinet.

"Okay, okay. A beer would be great." I give her a smile and a nod before grabbing her a beer, opening it and setting it down in front of her. Just then the microwave alerts me that it's finished so I grab the food from the microwave and a fork and set it in front of her.

"I'm going to get my drink from the living room. Do not try to run away and unless that food is molten lava hot I expect to see that you're actually eating and not staring off into space," I tell her before walking to the living room. I take my time expecting that she might need a moment or two alone because I know I certainly do.

**Olivia's POV**

When Alex opened her apartment door to her apartment I nearly turned away and ran. It's not easy forgetting how beautiful Alex is but after a week of seeing her very rarely somehow I'd managed to push from my mind exactly how stunning she is. Surely if my feet hadn't been stuck to the floor I would have ran. Seeing her and knowing what is about to happen makes me want to throw up. Maybe this wasn't a good idea, maybe I should have lied about being free.

We stand there staring at each other for a few minutes before she grabs my arm and pulls me into her apartment. After giving her my coat she starts asking me mundane questions about drinks and food. Why does she feel as though she needs to drag this out? I ask her if we can just get this over with, I don't want to be here any longer than possible and who knows how long I can keep my tough face on. She tells me that she didn't ask me here to tell me to get out of her life and I can't control the hope that maybe I was wrong about her plan for tonight. That thought only sticks for a very short moment before I bring myself back to reality, she would never want to BE with me. She offers me food but I don't want her to go out of her way for me. When she says please I give in. I could never deny her anything. Only once I'm seated at the bar across from her does she start to warm up her leftovers. When I give her a noncommittal answer about what I'd like to drink she lists everything in her fridge then threatens to list her liquor cabinet contents too. When she pins me with her stare I realize she really will list her liquor cabinet so I give in and ask for a beer. After I'm settled with a beer and food she warns me not to leave as she's going to get her drink from the living room.

I don't think I could leave if my life depended on it. For better or worse I need to be here, I need to hear what she has to tell me. I still don't believe that she won't tell me to leave her alone for good but I still can't leave. As I wait for her to come back I poke at the food on my plate. I still feel like throwing up, my nerves are running rampant. As I wait for the food to cool I can't help but think about the fact that this is the first time I've ever had a meal at Alex's. I can't help but think that this could have been our friendship, we could have been friends who do dinners together, who have girl's nights in but instead this is more like my last supper. I'm still poking my food when I hear her coming back to the kitchen. I quickly load my fork up with food and stuff it into my mouth as she walks by me to refill her drink. Once she's done she turns around and leans back on the counter sipping her drink and watching me.

I wonder what she's thinking. When she looks at me does she see someone who has ruined her life by sleeping with her? Does she see someone she'll be forced to work with against her will? Does she want to get this over with as much as I do? I know she's being kind to me but I'm sure it's just her manners that require her to be so polite.

God I want to believe her when she says she doesn't want to kick me out of her life but it's so hard to believe that could be true. There's only one way to find out is she meant it or not. I finish eating quickly hoping the talk is next. Before I can take my plate to the sink to clean it she grabs it and does it for me. Once the plate has been thoroughly cleaned, dried and placed back into her cupboard she looks at me.

"Let's talk in the living room. Would you like another beer?"

"Sure," I tell her. She grabs another beer from the fridge and hands it to me before walking towards her living room. I quietly follow behind her. She sits on one end of her couch and for a brief moment I have no idea where I should sit. Where is the appropriate place to sit when someone may be telling you bad news. She must see my dilemma because she looks towards the other end of the couch and asks me to sit. I walk over to the other side of the couch and sit, angling myself towards her. For a moment we both just stare at each other.

"Alex..."

"Olivia..." We both start at the same time.

"I'm sorry, go ahead," I tell her.

"Listen Olivia. I meant what I said when I told you I didn't ask you here to tell you to get out of my life. But we do need to talk. I'm not gay Olivia."

"I know, you told me," I tell her.

"Right, of course I did."

"Alex, if you want me to just forget anything ever happened I'll try. For you." I don't tell her that it might be the hardest thing I'll ever have to do or that it might break me to do so but if that what she wanted, I would sure as hell try for her.

"I don't know that's what I want. I don't really know what I want but I don't think either of us could just forget anything happened. I'm struggling Olivia. I'm not gay, I can't be gay, I don't like women like that. I've dated men my entire life, only ever been attracted to men but then you and I sleep together and..." She looks away from me seemingly not able to make eye contact with me. "And I keep having these dreams. And I don't want to have these dreams because I can't be gay."

All I can do is sit and listen to her. I don't have an answer for her, I can't tell her that she is or isn't gay. I can't tell her it's okay, that's not my place. So I just keep quiet and let her continue.

"My friend Melanie, she was at the bar that night, she thinks that while I'm not attracted to women in general, it's possible I could be attracted to one. You." When she says me my heart stops. I want her to say she's decided that's okay and let's live happily ever after but I know she won't. "And perhaps she's right, but I don't know that I can do anything about it. My life isn't simple enough that I can live it just for me. So even if Melanie was right and it was just you that I was attracted to, I don't know that I can just let that happen. I can't chance what might happen to me, to my career, with my family just because I find one woman attractive. But I also know I can't lose your friendship. I just don't know what to do about it all. I don't know how to handle all this."

"In a perfect world how would you want to handle it?"

"Does that really matter? It's not a perfect world and the choices I make affect me in THIS life. Would it be nice to even just have the option to try to figure it all out in reality not just in my thoughts? Sure, but it's not that simple."

"But it could be if you wanted it to," I say quietly. So quietly I'm not even sure she heard me.

"Olivia..." she starts, but before she can continue I cut her off.

"Sorry I didn't mean to say that out loud. I know it's not that simple."

"I really wish it was that easy but I can't spend my whole life as the epitome of a straight woman and then one day throw all that out the door because I might be attracted to another woman. What if I were to go through it all, chance my career, my family, everything and have it not be real at all? Just a figment of my hormones?"

She looks at me with pleading eyes. I'm not sure if she's pleading for this all to go away or pleading for me to prove her wrong or what but I can't stop myself as scoot myself closer to her never breaking eye contact with her. I lean myself slowly into her space, giving her all the time she needs to move away from me and when she doesn't I press my lips against hers. She stiffens for just a moment before relaxing into the kiss. Only then do I pull back a few centimeters and wait until she opens her eyes. When she does I see a softness in them that I'm not sure I've ever seen. She closes them again and leans the few centimeters back to me and presses her lips to mine. She opens her mouth just slightly, not enough to fully deepen the kiss but enough to allow me to capture her bottom lip between mine. I gently put pressure on her lip with my own and though I wanted to let her control this kiss I can't help but run my tongue along her captured lip. She lets out a soft sigh and opens her mouth allowing my tongue access. I run my tongue across hers hoping that with my kiss she can feel how right this is. How real it is. Reluctantly I pull back and wait for her to open her eyes.

"That was real for me Alex. You can't tell me that wasn't real for you too."

"Olivia... I..."

I cut her off, not wanting her to say something just because she feels like she needs to fill the blank air. "I'm going to go Alex, I think I should give you some space to think without worrying about what you're going to say to me. We're on speaking terms again," I say with a smile, "we can talk more when you're ready." I get up from the couch and walk to the door without giving her time to answer. She follows me silently. I instruct her to lock the door after me and tell her goodnight. Only after I hear the locks turn do I walk down the hall towards the elevator.

**Alex's POV**

I'm not sure the talk went the way I planned. I didn't really have a plan but I'm fairly sure kissing her wasn't ever in any plan I had. But I did. Well she did, and then I kissed her back. I can't deny that when she kissed me my heart fluttered a little. And I'd be lying if I said it didn't feel right because it did. It felt right and it felt real. But that still doesn't mean I can just give in and be gay. I wish sexuality weren't such a political thing but it is and it's an issue that will affect every aspect of my life. But I still won't be able to deny how it felt to kiss Olivia. Damnit, what the hell am I going to do?


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing, sadly. Well Melanie came from my own head...

Rated: M

My very first fic ever, PLEASE be kind, I'm sorry if it sucks.

Summary: Alex heads out to a bar at the behest of her best friend. Her life will never be the same.

Notes: Thank you all for the support and great reviews! You all rock! Sorry it's been SOOO long since I did an update there's so much going on in my head that sometimes it's hard to decide where or how I want to start and continue forward. For those of you who expected an argument last chapter, I had to fight the urge to let an argument happen, but I wouldn't be surprised if there was one or two in the future... ;) And yes, somewhere down the road I have plans for the Cabots to show up, eventually. :) Again, you guys ROCK with the reviews! Keep 'em coming, they help me know if I'm doing the story justice or not. :)

**Alex's POV**

Talking to Olivia must have done amazing things to my psyche because for the first time since we slept together I didn't dream about her last night. I didn't have a fitful sleep, I didn't wake up on the brink or upset with myself, for the first time since we slept together I just slept, peacefully. When I do finally wake up from my great night's sleep, I throw on some casual clothes and head out to the kitchen to make coffee. Today will consist of files, appeals, cases and any other super exciting thing I can come up with that has to do with work. Thus is a glimpse into a very exciting Saturday in the world of Alex Cabot. While the coffee is brewing I grab my files from my bedside table where I left them last night before Olivia came over. I head back to the kitchen and pour myself a cup of coffee and then set up at the kitchen table with my files.

My mind isn't fully focused on work as it keeps wandering back to Olivia and last night. What if my life was simple enough that I could take chances with who I am? I can't even imagine a life like that. I've lived my life for so long with expectations from others that I don't know what I want for me anymore. Even my own expectations are born of someone else's plans for me. I envy Melanie in that sense. She has chosen a path for herself that she wanted not one that was chosen for her. My time in Witsec allowed me to make decisions for myself and my own life like that and it was great, possibly the one upside of being in Witsec, but when I came back I fell right back into my pattern of being a good Cabot and making the right decisions. But even if I could make a decision that wasn't scrutinized I don't know if I could make this one. This isn't like buying a new pair of shoes or changing the car you drive, this is a life. This is changing everything I know about myself and my life. I don't know that I know how to do that.

I suppose it would help to know how much of me needs to change if I knew what it was I wanted. Do I want to date a woman? No wait, the question really is: do I want to date a woman who happens to be Olivia? After last night's kiss I don't believe I can lie to myself and keep telling myself that there isn't something about Olivia that I'm attracted to. But I can't help but wonder what exactly it is about Olivia that causes my attraction to her. Is it because she's amazing at her job? Her dedication and passion for helping those who have been harmed is a powerful thing to bear witness to; it's hard to ignore. The strength that makes Olivia who she is can be intoxicating as well. Perhaps I'm in awe of that strength and maybe that's what I'm attracted to about her. Maybe I miss having friends and I'm attracted to the idea of having a true friendship with her.

I suppose I can't lie and claim that the kiss didn't affect me in a way that is different than any other kiss I've ever experienced because it did. It wasn't like I was kissing someone as a prerequisite to something else or that they felt they had to kiss me to get something else. It was like the kiss was everything and I've never been kissed like that. It did feel real and dare I say right? It made me wish I could survive on that alone. It made me wish life could be as simple as a kiss that felt right.

I can hear my mother's voice in my head, "If wishes were horses Alexandra..." and I'm shaken from my thoughts. There's no time for wishing on stars, that never got anyone anywhere. So I force my mind back to my files and back to reality. After a few hours I realize I've gone through one full pot of coffee and I've yet to eat. I head to the kitchen to see what there is to eat aside from leftovers which I don't feel like eating right now. Aside from beverages and last night's leftovers my fridge is barren and so I decide on a trip out for food. After changing into appropriate attire I head to the door to grab a jacket when I notice I have Olivia's jacket still. She must have left last night without it, neither of us were fully focused last night when she left so that makes sense. Without thinking I grab my phone out of my back pocket and send a text.

_You left your jacket here, do you need it?_

I'm still trying to figure out where I'm planning on grabbing some lunch from when my phone alerts me to a message.

_No, not really. Would you be wiling to bring it to your office on Monday and I can swing by then to get it?_

I wonder briefly if she would have told me if she did really need it. Doubtful, she's too selfless to do ask for anything just for herself. I know I see her in this jacket all the time, it must be one of her favorites and suddenly I want to go out of my way to return it to her. I have a feeling she'd do that for me.

_Or better yet, have you had lunch yet? Join me for some lunch and I'll bring your jacket for you._

**Olivia's POV**

I realized as soon as I stepped onto the curb last night that I'd left my jacket in Alex's apartment but I was not going to go back, I put the ball in her court and come hell or high water I was going to leave it in her court. All I could hope was that she wouldn't spend weeks thinking. It's not that I don't have another jacket but I do really like that jacket. So when I get a text from her today I'm a bit surprised. I didn't expect to hear from her today even if it was for my jacket. I try not to get my hopes up about anything except that she's being her usual polite self, she probably hasn't even thought for a second about last night. I send her a quick text back.

_No, not really. Would you be willing to bring it to your office on Monday and I can swing by then to get it?_

I don't have to wait too long until my phone beeps again.

_Or better yet, have you had lunch yet? Join me for some lunch and I'll bring your jacket for you._

What? I reread the text again to make sure I'm not making things up in my head. She wants to have lunch? I immediately reign in my imagination because the first thing it wants to do is imagine all the possibilities of what that could mean. Maybe she did think about us, maybe she wants to try, maybe she definitely does not want to, maybe... I force myself to think of anything else but the maybes. What's likely is that Alex really is that much of a hostess that she wants to make sure my jacket is returned to me in a timely manner. Surely that's really what lunch is about. I want to decline, tell her she doesn't have to do that, tell her I can get it Monday but my fingers have a different plan. They're typing even as I'm coming up with how to decline.

_Okay. Where? How long?_

Before I know it the message has been sent and I'm left staring at my phone wondering how that happened. I only take a moment before I realize I should probably make myself presentable and head to my bedroom to change. I'm tossing on a shirt to go with the jeans I'm wearing when I hear my phone.

_Eggheads has a great brunch. I'll send you the address. 30 minutes?_

_Okay, see you shortly._

After I send my last text I finish getting myself ready and by the time I'm done Alex has sent me the address and I head out. I grab a cab and give the driver the address. As I sit back and ride through the city I can't help but feel a little nervous, I don't want to have expectations but who wouldn't? I don't quite know what I'm walking into. Is this going to be a friends only sort of lunch or are we going to talk or she going to give me bad news or good news? This is the worst part of all of this, not knowing. If I knew we were just friends I'd put her in that compartment in my mind, or least I would try, but right now I don't know anything and I can't compartmentalize my thoughts and emotions.

Things with Alex have always been hard to begin with, try as I might I can't keep it clean with her. From the moment I first saw her I knew I was going to have trouble. Normally I prefer to keep things in the right boxes. Friends in this one, lovers in that one. It keeps things clean and simple. With Alex however it was never like that. I wanted to put her in one box but I couldn't. I knew she should go into the friend area but no matter how hard I tried, my mind kept pushing her into the lovers box which would have been great had we actually been lovers but we weren't. It was so hard to see her just as a friend when all I wanted was more. As we became closer and closer as co-workers and then as friends it was nearly impossible to keep from having Alex slip over into the lovers box, or the would-be lovers box more specifically. Now that I've slept with her it's torture pushing her back to the friends box. If that's all she ever wants though, I'll suffer because life without Alex hurts to even think about much less have to actually live through.

I'm broken from my thoughts by the cab driver as he tells me what I owe him for the ride. I pull out a few bills and hand them through the small hole in the glass and step out. I take a moment to take in the appearance of the restaurant. It looks like a hole in the wall diner and an old tavern had a baby. It looks charming but not quite what would have picked for a place that Alex might frequent. I shrug as I pull open the door and walk in. Inside is even more eclectic. There are pictures of characters from literature, pictures of famous writers, sheets from dictionaries are hanging on the walls alongside books and a cartoon egg that seems to pop up comically all over as though it is mocking the seriousness of the atmosphere. I tell the hostess I'm looking for a friend and am told that there's a woman waiting for a friend towards the back and I might want to start there. I nod and thank the woman as I head towards the back of the restaurant, my eyes scanning the tables. It doesn't take long before I notice her, Alex stands out wherever she is though not always just because of her looks. Alex has an air to her that no one else I've ever met has, it's a confidence that's unique to only Alex. I catch her eye and she smiles, a rare full smile that for a moment makes my heart stop. I feel myself smile back as a reflex to hers as I walk the remaining distance to her.

**Alex's POV**

It's not until I'm at the restaurant waiting for Olivia that it occurs to me that Olivia might be expecting something from me more than just lunch and her jacket. I was so wrapped up in doing something nice for her, doing something she would have done, that it didn't occur to me all the way this lunch offer could have been perceived. Would she be expecting me to tell her I was ready to go forward, or that I wanted just friendship. Was she expecting me to know everything right now? This is precisely why I like things to be organized. I like to know what I'm going into before I head into battle but today I didn't think things through and instead of knowing is expected of me and what I should be expecting I'm sitting here with no clue at all. It is not a nice feeling. Once again I'm reminded what last week's dalliance has done to our friendship. This would normally be just a lunch with a friend with no expectations or concerns, no need for anxiety, but instead there's so much more going on than just lunch.

I'm not allowed too much time to worry about it because before I know it I'm looking into deep brown eyes and I feel a smile grace my lips, a real one. When I see her smile back I'm calmed and feel at ease. When I see her smile I don't worry about what she might be expecting or what I might be doing right or wrong. Instead, when she smiles I'm comforted and immediately stop worrying.

As she walks to the table I notice she's wearing jeans and a casual shirt and while I've seen her in a various different styles I can't help but notice how nice she looks today. Her shirt fits her perfectly, highlighting her fit body and woman's figure. This isn't the first time I've noticed her figure and her body. I've been envious of her body in the past as I've always been so slight. t's hard not to notice the differences between her body and mine. It's like her body was sculpted by a Greek artist, by someone who knew what a woman's body should look like. Even fully clothes, a person can tell that she is not just shaped well but that she is muscular and fit underneath her clothes. A woman could get very jealous looking at Olivia. I realize I've gotten briefly lost in my thoughts when I hear Olivia say my name. I feel a slight uncontrollable blush warm my face and I hope it's not noticeable in the restaurant lighting. I stand up and take her jacket off the back of my chair where I set it when I first arrived.

"Here you are. One jacket, special delivery," I tell her as I hand over her jacket.

"Thanks again Alex, it wasn't necessary but thanks. You sure you want lunch company? I don't have to stay if..."

I cut her off as I sit down, "Sit. Of course I still want lunch company I wouldn't have asked otherwise." Once she sits down I hand her a menu and give her a moment to look it over. As she does I see her smiling to herself, as though she's got a personal inside joke running through her head. "Something amusing?" I ask as I raise my eyebrow at her.

"Alex," she starts with a smile, "this place is sorta nerdy." She finishes her thought with a laugh.

I put on my best offended face and ask, "What? What on earth are you talking about Nerdy? Really?"

"Alex, everything on this menu is named after some famous lit character or scientist or whatever else. There are random definitions on the back of the menu... Quotes... Need I say more?"

"I love this place!" I defend.

"Of course you do. Egghead."

I laugh, it's nice to laugh with Olivia, after this past week or so we definitely deserve it. "Just for that," I threaten, "I'm not going to give you any suggestions on what to get." It's a completely empty threat because for one, everything on the menu is great and two, I'd still give her suggestions if she asked.

"Big threat Ms. Cabot, but you underestimate my ability to charm you to get what I want. One look from me and I'll get anything I want..."

And suddenly the mood between us changes. There are a lot of interpretations to that one simple sentence, interpretations that I'm not sure I'm prepared to think about. Luckily any extra awkward moments are paused thanks to our waitresses impeccable timing. I hope my relief isn't visible.

"Ladies, my name's Martha and I'll be your server today. Can I get you something to drink?"

I look at Olivia who says to me, "after you," so I order a bloody mary. Olivia follows my lead and Martha the server is off to get us our drinks. There's a brief moment of awkward silence and I find myself opting to break the silence with completely useless information.

"I don't usually drink bloody marys but they're my weakness. I know there's nothing redeeming about them and they're full of sodium, like my quotient for the month, but I do love them so when I go someplace that I know has good ones I give in and treat myself." Shut up Alex, shut up Alex, shut up Alex! "Anyway, so figure out what you'd like to get?" At this point I'm consider screaming fire in an effort to take the attention away from my completely embarrassing monologue on bloody marys. Thankfully Olivia takes pity on me and ignores my bloody mary fiasco.

"I'm thinking about The Count of Monte Cristo." Then she laughs, "Alex, this place is SO nerdy! I can't not laugh at this place! I feel silly ordering a sandwich called The Count of Monte Cristo."

"You can always order The Man in the Iron Mask, or the Three Musketeers or Moby Dick." We're giggling like school girls as we list all the completely silly names of dishes. Finally I concede, "You're right, this place is truly nerdy but the food is great and, well, I am a quite a nerd myself."

"Yes I can see that now," she says with a smile.

"Hilarious," I say back as our drinks arrive.

"Ladies, have you figured out what you'd like?"

"Yes, we have," I tell her. After we order we both fall back into a fit of giggles and I'm fairly sure I see Martha the server rolling her eyes at us as she walks away. "I haven't laughed like this in a long time," I tell Olivia. "Just for stupid reasons."

"Well then a toast. To laughing for stupid reasons," Olivia says as she raises her glass to me.

"I will definitely drink to that," I say as I smile and tap my glass to hers.

**Olivia's POV**

When Alex smiles it's like the whole room changes. If you're ever lucky enough to see her smile you'll understand what I mean. And God help you if you're the one to make her smile like that. If you make Alex Cabot smile a full, real smile, one that reaches her eyes. One that makes a room go from dark to light, well, if you make that smile, the world can end right then and there and you will have accomplished everything you could ever want to do. All you have to do is be the reason Alex smiles.

When I make it to the table I realize she hasn't quite made any move to acknowledge my presence at the table so I say her name to get her attention. She stands up to give me her jacket and I take in her appearance. She looks stunning as always. I'll never understand how it is that she's always able to look so astonishing. She could wear a potato sack and I'm sure she'd still be the most beautiful woman in the room. Of course it helps that she is naturally beautiful. On any given day Alex is untouchable, super model beautiful. She is the epitome of traditional beauty. Long legs, slim but muscular torso, smooth, fair skin, long blonde hair, striking blue eyes. She's what every little girl who wishes she could be a princess wants to look like when they grow up. I break from my momentary reverie and take my jacket back then I give her an out, let her know she can tell me she wants to have lunch alone but she just sits and reminds me that she asked me to join her. So I sit as well.

The instant my eyes glance over the menu I'm filled with humor. This place is like a nerds wet dream. Definitions, food names after famous characters, authors, scientists and so on. I point it out to Alex and she tells me she loves this place. Of course she does. She threatens that she won't give me food advice and when I tease back that one look from me and I'll get anything I want the mood changes rapidly. I didn't mean to say something so charged. Thankfully we're saved by the waitress. We both order bloody marys and after the waitress leaves we sit in an awkward silence. Alex breaks the silence with something about bloody marys and why she loves them so much. Any other time I'd probably pick on her for rambling about such a strange subject but I figure it's best just to let her fill the silence however she feels most comfortable but I do find myself biting my tongue to keep from teasing her.

When she asks me what I plan on eating and I tell her I can't help but laugh. This place really is just so nerdy. She tells me that she's quite a nerd herself and at this point, that's obvious. We banter a little and I can't help but feel how great this is, to joke with Alex, to be her friend. I'd spend my days trying to make sure every moment with Alex was like this if I could. This is such a different Alex than any other version of her I've seen before. She's so carefree and it warms my heart to be with her in this moment. When we toast to our laughter I can only wish silently that there will be more moments like this.

When our food arrives we dig in and I realize why she loves this place. The food is great and so are the drinks. Of course I'm probably pretty partial because thus far, this has been the best lunch I've ever had and I'm not talking about the food. Alex and I aren't butting heads. We're not talking about work. We're just two people enjoying each other's company and I'm reveling in every moment of it. Our conversation is flowing easily as we talk about movies and books that we'd love to have time to see or read. Things we enjoy doing when we have time for ourselves. She tells me about her friend Melanie and how if she didn't force Alex out she may never see the outside of her office or her house. I'm happy Alex has someone like that in her life to keep her from being swallowed by work. I can't help but wish I could be that person for her. But I reign that thought in pretty quickly, I know I'm lucky to be sitting here with her now and I should take what I can get right now. I never want to go back to last week.

Our lunches are nearly finished and if I could keep pushing the food around to prolong lunch I would but I know Alex must have other things going on today that she needs to get back to so I reluctantly push my plate away. I can't put the end of our meal off any longer and since Alex finished a short while ago I know she's waiting on me to finish. It's only a few minutes after I've pushed my plate away that Martha shows up with our bill asking if we want it together or separate. I tell her together and pull a credit card out.

"No way Olivia," I hear Alex protest. "I'm paying for lunch."

"Nope," I tell her. "Consider it a thank you for going out of your way to get my jacket to me today."

"I didn't go out of my way," she tells me. "I was going to go to lunch anyway..."

"Be that as it may, you're still not paying." And with that I hand Martha my card and give her the look that says don't stand around, go charge me. She seems smart enough to know that standing around while two women argue over a bill is just stupid. Either that or she understands my look.

"Well thank you then Olivia, next time it's on me."

"It's absolutely my pleasure," I tell her whole-heartedly.

**Alex's POV**

I'm not used to having someone else pay for me, unless it's a guy on a date who thinks that by paying for me he'll get lucky. It's an odd feeling. Don't get me wrong, I don't go around throwing my money around to show people I have it, and I don't have anything against a friend paying for me but I think it's been so long since someone has, well except Melanie, but she doesn't count, she's basically family. For once though, it's kind of nice to have someone offer to pay just because. On a partially related side note, it's possible I over think things too much.

This lunch has been such a fun lunch. It's been a long time since I've done something fun like this with someone who wasn't Melanie. I don't really want lunch to end but I know that eventually it must. It's not really lunch but more so the company I've had during lunch. This lunch was a lunch between two friends, not like our usual meals together which is just two co-workers having a working meal. This lunch was filled with laughter and smiles and an easy flowing conversation. I had a chance to really observe Olivia at lunch today. She's a completely different person today at lunch. She's smiled more today than I think I've ever seen her smile. And her laugh, I guess I've never heard her laugh before but today I notice she has a rich, deep, full laugh. It's a great laugh one I doubt I'd ever get tired of hearing.

I'm also able to look at her, really look at her. I've always known Olivia is a pretty woman, it's hard not to notice that, you'd have to be blind deaf and dumb not to. But today when I look at her I notice things differently. I can't put my finger on it, it's nothing specific that I can tell but she looks different to me nonetheless. I notice her eyes. I've made eye contact with her before but today I feel like I'm looking INTO her eyes and she's looking INTO mine, like she really sees me today. And even though we're just talking casual things, there's a stronger, deeper connection today than I think we've ever had before. It's a strange feeling to be having with Olivia. The only other times we have a strong connection is when we're yelling at each other over cases and even then I'm not sure it's a strong connection because of who we are but rather because of our anger. Until today, though I'd seen Olivia's eyes before, today I really saw them and appreciated them for the beauty that they are.

I watched her mouth. I didn't even realize I was doing it until I saw her tongue dart out and lick her lips. Only when I noticed my breath catch did I realize I'd been staring at her mouth. Staring at her mouth made me think of last night, of her kiss. It made me remember how soft her lips were when they pressed against my own. It was as though she was made of satin, soft and silky. I was forced to stop staring when I realized I was hardly listening and I needed to focus in order to be a participant of our conversation. It was probably for the best anyway, thinking about her kissing me was jumbling up all my thoughts and confusing everything.

Before I know it lunch has come to an end. I must have spent most of it just looking at Olivia. I know we spoke about lots of things but I think a lot of my brain was dedicated to taking in all of Olivia. After Olivia signs the check we get ready to leave our table and I can't help but think that I don't really want to part, I'm enjoying Olivia's company too much. As we walk to the front door of the restaurant I feel Olivia's hand on my back in it's usual place for directing me through a crowd. She's barely touching me but I swear I can feel the heat of her hand as though it were on my skin. I've never experienced a reaction like this to such a simple gesture before, it unnerves me a little. When we reach the sidewalk she takes her hand away from my back and I instantly miss the warmth of it.

"Can I grab you a cab," she asks me.

"I'm not too far, I think I'll walk off lunch, thank you though," I tell her. "And thank you again for lunch that was really not necessary."

"No problem, it was my pleasure," she tells me with a shrug.

As we stand in the center of the sidewalk I can't help but think that I'd like to extend our time together but I'm sure she has things to do today and I know I have files I really should be working on. The responsible, workaholic ADA in me tells me to squelch that thought and forces me to go home and work.

"Well," I start, "I should get home and get back to my files, sometimes I feel like if I leave them alone too long they start reproducing on me."

"Like bunnies?" she asks with a chuckle.

"Yes, exactly like bunnies. File bunnies."

"Well I'd hate for you to get home to a family of files. I had a great time Alex, I hope we can do this again sometime."

"I'd love to," I tell her. "Enjoy the rest of you day."

"You too," she tells me before I turn and walk up the street back towards my apartment. As I walk away I think about how I wish I could just let work go for a day, but I know that's not who I am and I doubt anything will ever change that. "If wishes were horses..."

**Olivia's POV**

I wanted to ask Alex to spend the day hanging out with me. I nearly did, but she told me she had to get home so I didn't. I wanted to walk her home but I didn't want her to feel like this was a date. I wanted to hug her goodbye but that didn't seem like Alex and Olivia friends who just had lunch. And a kiss goodbye was certainly out of the question, but I wanted to. Instead I'm watching her retreating form walk away. I try to push all my wants out of my mind and focus on the lunch we just had and how wonderful it was to just be at ease with each other. I push from my mind thoughts of what it would be like if we were a couple and how every lunch together could be like that. I try to focus on our friendship only but the sad fact is that I've got it bad for Alex Cabot. Oh boy have I got it bad.


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing, sadly. Well Melanie came from my own head...

Rated: M

My very first fic ever, PLEASE be kind, I'm sorry if it sucks.

Summary: Alex heads out to a bar at the behest of her best friend. Her life will never be the same.

Notes: Thanks for putting up with the lag time between chapters, my work has picked up dramatically so I don't have as much time to write as I wish. I am REALLY sorry this one took so darn long. I hope you enjoy it. I know you guys want smut and I do too but I don't want to rush them. I hope you'll bear with me. As always, drop me a review to let me know how I'm doing. Happy reviews make me want to write faster... ;) LOL Shamelessly bartering my writing soul for reviews. ;) Seriously, enjoy, let me know what you think!

**Alex's POV**

The rest of my weekend was quiet, filled with the usual files and cases. Fortunately for me, my concentration seemed to be back to normal, mostly. I was able to make it through a few files at least without being too distracted by thoughts of Olivia and our lunch yesterday. Of course when I did think about yesterday's lunch I was unable to focus on anything but that. Lunch had not been like anything I expected, though truth be told, I'm not sure what I expected. I knew Olivia and I could be friends and get along well outside of work, I just didn't realize exactly how easy it is to be me with her. It makes me want to spend more time with her which is a rare feeling for me. Usually when I'm free from work I just want to spend my time alone which is why Melanie is forced to drag me out places with her, for my own good she always says. But after lunch with Olivia I find myself wondering how long it'll be until she and I can do something else together.

As the work week progressed, the unit caught a few cases that had me popping in for interrogations and them over for warrants. Unfortunately that didn't leave me much time for chatting with Olivia, not that "at work" chatting would have been the same as "weekend" chatting but I still wanted an opportunity to say more than, "cut him loose" or "arrest him." Particularly I wanted a chance to see when she and I might have an opportunity to get together again. When Friday afternoon rolled around and I still hadn't had a chance to talk to Olivia I decided I'd take matters into my own hands and give her a call.

"Special Victims Unit, this is Benson."

"Still chained to your desk I assume?" I answer with a smile. I find myself happier than I expected to be to have caught her before she left for the night. "You gonna be stuck there all night?"

"Hey Alex," I swear I can hear her smile as she speaks. "I'm just finishing up some 5s from this week so that next week when our ADA goes to court she won't yell at me for not having finished my paperwork."

"Oh good idea, the word around the water cooler here is that she's a major hard-ass, you wouldn't want to get on her bad side."

"Don't believe EVERYTHING you hear, her bark's worse than her bite. She has a redeeming quality or two, you just have to know how to handle her," she teases back.

"Oh really?" I respond. "And what if she's just letting you handle her but is really handling you?" Did I just flirt a little?

"She can handle me anytime she wants," she says back. Did her voice just get a little deeper? I'm glad this conversation is being held over the phone because I know I'm blushing uncontrollably right now. I've momentarily lost any thoughts I might have had, I can't come up with a response to that. I hear her clear her throat, "So what can I do for you Alex?"

"I wanted to know what you were up to this weekend, if you had some free time or if you were on call all weekend."

"I'm about as on call this weekend as you are. So far we're mostly caught up on things so Munch and Finn are primary this weekend and El and I are hoping nothing major happens. Why what's up?"

"Well as you pointed out, unless something major happens I'm pretty caught up for the weekend so I thought I might attempt something I rarely do. I am going to attempt to have a life, sort of. Anyway I thought I'd see if you were up to attempting a social life with me."

"I would love to, what did you have in mind?"

"Truthfully? I have no idea, I so rarely get a chance to do anything and when I do it's usually Melanie who has made all plans and just drags me out of my apartment. Perhaps we could start with lunch tomorrow and then see what we feel like doing after?"

"That sounds like a great plan. How about I pick you up from your apartment around noon tomorrow and we can go wherever you'd like."

"Okay, great, I'll figure out where we should go."

"Perfect, I'll see you tomorrow."

"See you tomorrow Olivia." And with that I hang up. As I pack up to head home I realize that I'm really looking forward to tomorrow.

**Olivia's POV**

I hang up the phone with a huge smile on my face. Alex called to ask me to hang out with her. I feel a little like I'm in middle school and I've just been asked out by my crush which isn't that far from the truth. I have just been asked to hang out with my crush. I look up and see Elliot grinning at me.

"Good conversation?" he says as he grins at me.

"Shut up."

"So I guess I don't really need to ask what YOUR plans are this weekend..."

"Shut up."

"Will you be handling our ADA?"

"Shut up," I repeat but I can't hide the smile that graces my face at the idea of handling Alex. I'll happily handle her. I only ponder the idea for a moment before I force the thought from my mind, it's lunch, just lunch I tell myself. Elliot breaks through my thoughts.

"So where are you girls going to go for lunch, I'd LOVE to stop in a say hi," he says just before barking out a loud laugh. This time I just stare at him. When he finally stops laughing I look at the clock and down at my mostly empty desk.

"Elliot," I tell him as I stand up, "it's nearly 6:30, I'm leaving you to amuse yourself. Or better yet, go home. You getting home before dark ought to amuse Kathy and if you're lucky maybe she'll amuse you."

"Maybe if you're lucky Alex will..." I throw a pencil at him which stops his sentence enough for me to tell him good night as I walk out from behind my desk and towards the doors. I hear him shouting back at me.

"Get some rest tonight Olivia, you never know what you might be doing tomorrow!"

I roll my eyes at no one in particular as I push the button to call the elevator. Sometimes having Elliot around is like having the little brother I never knew I never wanted. But like a little brother, if he was mine I'd still love him regardless of his complete immaturity.

After arriving home and throwing together a salad with what was left in my fridge I finally settled onto my couch with the tv on in the background. I felt a little like a kid on Christmas eve I wished I could be asleep so that it could be tomorrow but I was far too awake for sleep. I tried to focus on some comedy that was playing on the tv but my mind kept wandering back to tomorrow and all the possibilities of how the day could go. Try as I might I couldn't quite control my mind from turning tomorrow's lunch with a friend into a date. In my head I had visions of walking down the streets with Alex holding her hand. Putting my arms around her waist and holding her as we watched the world pass us by. I had visions of taking her home at the end of the day and having her lean into me and kiss me goodnight. I was able to stop my mind from taking a simple kiss and turning it into a night of passion between the two of us but it wasn't easy. I had to convince myself that inserting Alex into my day dreams when they weren't exactly family friendly was an inappropriate action. I wasn't nearly as lucky at convincing my unconscious.

That night I dreamt of Alex and I. In my dream we'd gone to dinner and a movie together, only in my dream we were a couple. Our dinner was peppered with sweet kisses. During our movie Alex would reach out and grab my hand to hold it. When she wasn't holding my hand she would rub my leg unconsciously as she watched the movie. By the end of our dream date Alex's tender touches and kisses had me wanting much more.

I walked her to her apartment expecting to say goodnight to her on the street but she asked me up. When we get inside her apartment she doesn't hesitate long before pinning me against the door. Her kiss left me breathless. She pressed her entire body against mine and broke the kiss to tell me she needed me. She reached her hand down to press between my legs as she whispered to me. Her hands attacked my clothes. She tore my shirt from my body and only took a moment to grab my breasts before she unzipped my pants and pushed them as far down as she could without moving away from me. Her mouth attacked my neck before she worked her way down my chest, down my stomach until she reached the top of my underwear. When she knelt in front of me I had to close my eyes for a moment to keep from coming from the image. She nuzzled through my panties before looking up and making eyes contact with me as she pulled my panties slowly down my legs. She looked back at my newly uncovered flesh and leaned in making a soft humming sound as she did. She grabbed the back of my left leg and threw it over her right shoulder. I waited as patiently as I could for her to lean in to touch me. She looked up at me as she leaned in. She was millimeters away from where I wanted her to be. I saw her tongue peek out from between her gorgeous lush lips.

The first thing I notice as I wake up is the ache between my legs. The next thing I hear is a car alarm which as I come fully to consciousness I realize was the reason I'm not awake. I swear to myself and force my eyes closed, I so desperately want to finish my dream. But I only lay there for a moment before I give up. I know I won't be able to finish my dream because I won't allow myself to dream about Alex that way if I can keep myself from doing so. Plus I'm so worked up it's hard to focus on anything but the throbbing between my legs. I desperately want to take care of myself but I know I wouldn't be able to look Alex in the face later today if I touched myself with her face in my mind. I quickly rub my hands over my face and resign myself to a cold shower.

After my very long, very cold shower I make my way to the kitchen to make some coffee and and a small bite to eat, I not usually one for breakfast but I figure I've got the time this morning and there's actually something I can eat, a bagel. So I pop it into the toaster and wait rather impatiently for the coffee to finish brewing. Right now I feel like that kid on Christmas morning waiting for my parents to wake up so I can start opening presents. I have so many variations of how today could go running through my mind and I have to keep reminding myself that today is a lunch date and that any future between Alex and I, friends or more, is completely at her discretion. While I would love for our lunch to go any number of ways that my imagination has taken it, I know that no matter what, nothing will happen unless I know Alex fully wants it to happen. The ball, as they say, is in her court.

**Alex's POV**

It's so nice to wake up in the morning the the light and not some blaring alarm, I always feel so much more refreshed when I wake on my own. This morning was no exception. After waking with the light I get up to make some coffee. I allow myself one cup of coffee and a banana before I change into my running clothes and head out to run through the city. It's a cool morning, a sign of fall making it's way to us and I know there's won't be too many more mornings that will be the right balance of cool and warm which is perfect for running outdoors, so this morning I take full advantage of it. By the time I make it back home I realize I ran for nearly an hour getting lost in the twists and turns of the city. I jump into the shower as soon as I arrive home and wash the sweat and dirt off me from my run.

It's nearly ten by the time I'm done with my shower. I grab another banana and slather it with peanut butter to replace some of the nutrients that I worked off during my run and to hold me over until lunch. I grab another cup of coffee and toss it into the microwave to warm it up. I decide that while I've got sometime I should probably look over a file or two so I grab a few files from my briefcase by the door as I wait for the microwave to finish warming my coffee. Once it's finished I grab a cup and take it with me to the sofa where I settle with my coffee and files. On my third trip to the coffee maker for more coffee I realize it's nearly 11:30 and Olivia will be here shortly so I grab my coffee and bring it with me to the bathroom to get ready. I quickly run a brush through my hair to tame it before throwing on some light and casual make up, nothing too major, it's the weekend after all. Makeup and hair put together I head to my closet for a pair of jeans and a simple button down blouse. I opt for one of my favorite 3/4 length sleeve button downs, it's perfect for the cooler weather but won't roast me should it get warmer today than expected. I take a quick glance in the mirror and satisfied that I'm acceptable for public viewing I head back to the couch to read over more files until Olivia gets here.

It's not too long before the house phone rings and I'm told that I've got a visitor downstairs. I ask the doorman to let her know I'll be down in a minute and hang up. I quickly grab my files and set them back into my briefcase. Grabbing my keys from the table by the door I make a quick mental check that the coffeemaker is off and that I can an ID, a credit card and some cash. Once I'm sure things are good I head out, locking the door before walking to the elevator and hitting the down button. As I ride down in the elevator I think about how I'm really looking forward to spending time with Olivia again today. As I ride down there's a small part of me that seems to be a little nervous and I can't quite pinpoint why but it's there. I try my best to ignore it as I step out of the elevator and down the hall to the front lobby. Standing there chatting with the doorman is Olivia, looking as causal and light as I've ever seen here. I take a moment to regard her while she's not looking at me. Her body language is so different standing here in my lobby than it is when she's at the precinct. It's slightly carefree and relaxed. It's a great look on her. The doorman says something to her and she laughs, that same full laugh that I heard last weekend and I can't help but smile as I hear it. I walk the remaining way to Olivia and step in beside her nudging her with my shoulder.

"Am I interrupting" I ask her with a slight smile.

"Hey Alex," she says as she turns to me smiling. "I doubt you'd ever be interrupting."

"Good afternoon Ms. Cabot," Larry the weekend doorman says to me. No matter how many times I tell him to call me Alex he refuses so I've just given up telling him. He's in his 60s and has a very distinguished and polished look about him, probably one of the reasons he was hired, keeping up appearances and all. Well that and his 40 or so years of military service. I can't imagine him ever needing to use that experience but there's a comfort in knowing he's there with his experience if necessary. Perhaps that's the post WPP in me speaking.

"Hi Larry. How has the day been so far?"

"Very slow Ms. Cabot, but thankfully your guest showed up and entertained this old man for a few minutes."

"Wanna keep her?" I ask Larry before turning and winking at Olivia to ensure she knows I'm kidding.

"Absolutely not Ms. Cabot, you so rarely have company, if ever, I would never take your company but she's always welcome to chat with me," he says with a smile. "Now you two stop distracting me, I can only be a gentleman for so long. It's a slippery slope between gentleman and old lecherous man," he says with his own wink for us. We both laugh and bid him goodbye.

As we step out onto the sidewalk Olivia looks at me. "You look great," she tells me. I can't help but feel my face get a little warm from the compliment.

"So do you," I return. She smiles back and asks me where we are heading.

"Would it be terrible if I asked you if we could go back to Eggheads?" I ask somewhat sheepishly. I do really like Eggheads though deep down inside there's a small part of me that wants to return to a place where we had such a nice time, a just-in-case of sorts.

"Anywhere you want Alex."

I turn down the street and start walking as she steps in right beside me. Our footsteps match up and I can't help but laugh lightly.

"What," she asks.

"Nothing, just a old silly thing from when I was a kid," I tell her.

"Well do you care to share?"

"Oh it's stupid. When I was a kid I was always amused when two people's strides matched up. I don't know why exactly. I used to see old people who stepped together and I'd think that they must have been together for so long that they match steps too. Even when I was a kid and it was just me and friends if we matched up I couldn't help but laugh. It's like being tickled, there's no complete reason why, but it always makes me giggle a little."

"Hmm so you're ticklish are you?" she says to me with a gleam in her eye.

"Perhaps I am, perhaps I'm a kicker when I get tickled," I warn her.

"Noted," she says as she raises her hands in mock surrender.

The walk to the restaurant is quick and when we arrive she holds the door open for me as I step through. We're seated instantly back towards the back of the restaurant. When we reach our table Olivia pulls my chair our for me and holds it. I'm not sure she even knows she's doing it, it's as though being a gentleman for lack of a better term comes naturally to her. I take my seat and wait until she sits down in her own before thanking her. She just smiles and hands me a menu. I only take a moment to glance at it, already knowing what I'd like. Olivia seems to know what she'd like too as she's already looked over the menu and has set it down. Our server shows up and takes our full order, food and drinks before leaving us. We chat about the week briefly before moving away from work topics. Somehow we seem to get onto the topic of baseball and Olivia seems shocked that I've never been to a baseball game here in New York.

"How is that even possible Alex?"

"I don't know, no one I now has ever asked me to go to a game and I'm not going to take the day and go alone," I tell her as I shrug.

"Alex, it's America's favorite pastime," she says with a smile. I just shrug and watch as she pulls out her phone and starts poking the screen with her thumbs. I'm suddenly worried that she's going to have to leave and go into work. She pokes around on her phone for another moment before looking back up to me and smiling. "We're going to a game today."

"What?" I ask, slightly started by her statement, so she doesn't have to go to work?

"A baseball game Alex. The Yankees are playing today so we're going to go. I mean, well, do you want to? I know you said we'd have lunch and figure whatever else out but you know, maybe you had other plans... We don't have..."

"That would be great Olivia. My plans for the day we were to hang out with you. I just thought you were poking around on your phone because maybe you'd been sent some work stuff. I'd be happy to go to a game." I smile to reassure her.

"Oh, okay. You're sure?"

"I am."

"Okay," she says as our food arrives. "Well you better eat up Ms. Cabot because with baseball comes lots of beer."

With the smell of my food wafting to my nose I realize how hungry I am. "No need to tell me twice," I say before I dig in.

**Olivia's POV**

I watch for a moment as Alex digs into her meal. I was worried for a moment that my assumption that she'd still want to do something with me after lunch was wrong. But I'd been so excited when I realized there might be a game playing today so I'd taken a moment to check and confirm. Once I was sure of it, I got myself excited to take Alex to her first baseball game here in New York. I'm not a huge baseball fan but I am a small fan and to me there's something incredibly fun about going to a baseball game. I wanted to share that with Alex. I'm glad she said okay. Taking my own advice I dig into my food. It's just as good as I remember it being from last weekend.

We eat in silence not needing to fill the quiet. By the time we finish lunch it's nearly game time. Alex and I have a short argument over who should pay and eventually I give in knowing that I've already bought tickets for the game and there's no way she'll let me get away with buying everything today. We hop into a cab and I tell him to take us to the stadium. I'm so excited about taking Alex to the game that I absentmindedly grab her hand as though it's the most natural thing in the world for us. When I realize what I've done I apologize and go to pull my hand away, but she surprises me by closing her fist around mine and telling me it's okay. My heart soars when she looks at me and smiles before looking back to the window and watching the city fly by. I feel like it's the first time I've ever held someone's hand. I try to keep my heart rate at a reasonable level but holding onto Alex's hand is like holding onto a live wire. I couldn't slow my heart rate if my life depended on it. We arrive at the baseball stadium far too quickly for my liking and I reluctantly let go of her hand. Grabbing money from my pocket I pay the cabbie before she can argue with me and then gently nudge her to signal her to get out.

I lead the way to the ticket taker and flash him the electronic tickets on my phone. He quickly scans them and lets us through the gates. We enter the stadium into the usual game day insanity, I want to reach out and grab Alex's hand but somehow I doubt she'd be as comfortable as she was in the car. Instead I guide her with my hand on her back like I usually do in a crowd. I lead her to a concession stand and we order two beers and again get into a short small argument. I let her win this one on the condition that I buy the next round as I assure her there will be another round. We grab our drinks and make our way to our seats. I was lucky enough to find two last minute seats a few rows up near third base. As we take our seats I watch Alex take everything in. She's probably deny it if asked but she looks just like I expected. She has the same joy-filled face that some of the younger kids have who are seated near us. It's the same look of amazement and it's beautiful on her. As I look at her, it occurs to me how light she is, she's going to be a lobster at the end of the day if she's not careful. I excuse myself from her claiming to need the restroom though not before making sure she doesn't need it as well. When she responds in the negative I head off on my mission.

I'm not gone too long and the game has still yet to start when I return gift in hand. As I sit down next to her I pull the small gift I ran off to get from behind my back and place it on her head. She regards me with momentary shock before picking the hat off her head to inspect it. While I didn't have a ton of options I picked a hat that I thought would look cute on Alex. It's a simple Yankee blue hat with a very simple embroidered "NY" across the the front. Stitched into the back is a small "Yankees" in cursive writing. It's a fitted, "one size fits all hat" and I'm thrilled to find out it fit's Alex's head perfectly. After thoroughly inspecting it she looks at me and smiles.

"What's this for?"

"For you," I tell her as I take it and gently put it back on her head. "It's to keep the sun off your face and a small souvenir of your first baseball game."

She adjusts the hat before looking me directly in the eyes, "Thank you. It's a great souvenir but thank you for getting me something to protect my face." She leans in and hugs me over the armrest. I take the brief opportunity to revel in the feel of her in my arms, even if it is slightly awkward due to the armrest.

"You're welcome," I whisper into her ear. If she only knew the lengths I'd go to to protect every inch of her mind, body and soul.

As we release each other a young girl takes the field as the announcer tells us that she is from "Make-A-Wish" and has always wanted to sing the National Anthem. The entire stadium rises and listens as she makes her wish come true. I sneak a peek over at Alex as the song ends and I see her wiping away a tear and I too am touched by the little girl singing her heart out but also at the woman standing next to me. One would have to be blind to look at Alex and not see the passion pouring out of her eyes as she watches the little girl leave the field. The crowd continues to cheer the young girl on for a few seconds after she has left the field. Alex cheers along with them. After the cheering dies down the Yankees take the field. More cheering ensues. Alex however, is oblivious to what's going on on the field. She places her hand on my arm to grab my attention.

"Did you know that my family donates money to Make-A Wish?" she asks me.

"No."

"Well we do. I'd never been able to witness one of the wishes coming true. It was beautiful to watch it happen. I'm sure you didn't know that was going to happen but thank you regardless. Because you thought to bring me here I got to witness something good that my family is able to take part in. It was amazing. Thank you."

In a perfect world I'd kiss her, right here, right now. Not only does she look beautiful, she always does, but right now it's like I'm soaking up her emotions and I can't say much. I know if I kissed her she'd know what I wanted to convey but I can't so I place my hand atop hers and give it a quick squeeze before removing it and grabbing my beer.

We focus primarily on the game for the next few hours, at least I assume Alex did. It was hard to sit right next to her and not watch her. Everything was a first experience for her and it showed in her face, in the smiles she shared. The laughs she let out, the small cringes she made when someone leapt high in the air to catch a ball. And on a less baseball game related note it was hard to keep my eyes off her in that hat I bought her. I never would have guessed she's be so damned adorable in a baseball hat but she was. And the hat, with the blue, brought out her eyes even more than usual. Between her facial expressions and how cute she looked with her hat on I barely caught much of the game. I was lucky enough however, to be paying attention when a foul ball headed our way. It was as though the ball was hit directly to us. All I had to do was reach my arm up and pluck it out of the sky disappointing the little boy seated next to Alex. I looked at Alex and then to the little boy and as though I'd said something to her, she nodded answering my silent question. I reach across her and hand it to the little boy who received it with eyes wide. Unable to contain his excitement he leapt from his seat, over Alex's leg and right into my arm chanting thank you over and over again. Neither Alex nor I could help but laugh out loud at the little boy's reaction. His father finally convinced him to sit down so we could all continue watching the game and with one more thank you he was back in his seat inspecting his new ball like it was made of gold and showing it to his father explaining everything about the ball. I make eye contact with Alex and she just smiles and tells me she already has her souvenir. God, could this woman be any more perfect?

About an hour later the game has finally finished and we're pouring out of the stadium at a snail's pace with the rest of the crowd. As usual I'm guiding Alex through the crowd with my hand. When we finally make it outside the stadium I suggest we walk a few blocks away in the hopes of catching a cab rather than trying to catch one with fifty thousand of our best friends from the game. She agrees that it's a good idea and we walk down the street side by side.

"Olivia, I really had a wonderful time at the game. Thank you so much for suggesting it and taking me. I will most certainly remember my first baseball game. And should I happen to forget the National Anthem, or the little boy whose day you made, I'll always have my hat and I couldn't ever forget that you took me to my first game."

"I'm really happy you enjoyed yourself Alex. That's what summer's in this city is all about. I think sometime's with our jobs, we don't get to remember that too often, so I'm glad we could remember that together." I see an empty cab headed our way and so I raise my arm to signal them to stop. When they stop I open the door for Alex to get in first. "Can I see you home?" I ask her before getting into the cab with her.

"I'd like that," she tells me so I slide into the back with her. She quickly gives the driver her address.

**Alex's POV**

Today has been an amazing day. I never would have guessed this morning that my lunch with Olivia would turn into nearly an entire day or a baseball game. I wasn't lying to her when I told her I'd remember my first game. I'm not sure I'll ever forget it. I feel silly for being so excited but she bought me a hat. I'm sure I'm just excited because no one I've ever dated before would have ever thought to take my skin and the sun into consideration but she did.

Wait. Did I just say dated? I mean, she and I aren't dating though I suppose if I were with a guy this would have been a date. We did hold hands earlier, that was a shock to me. We'd just been riding along and I felt her hand on mine. She apologized almost as quickly as it happened and went to pull away but surprising even myself I closed my hand around hers and told her it was okay. It was such a simple thing but it made me feel warm and though it sounds cheesy, I felt soft and fuzzy inside. I was sad to let go of her when we got out of the cab but I'm hardly a hand holding type of girl to begin with much less with a woman and in plain view of everyone. So she guided me with her hand on my back like she usually does. Even in a huge crowd having her hand on my back made me feel safe, it's strange how she does that to me.

All day long Olivia did this wonderful things for me, the hat, protecting me in the crowds, sharing something with me, for me. As we ride in the cab I don't really want the day to end. I think of all the things that should be done today, or could be done today and contemplate what exactly I'd like to do about all that. Before I know it we've arrived at my apartment. I grab some money and hand it to the cab driver before looking at Olivia. Oh what the hell, my files aren't going anywhere.

"Want to come up and grab some dinner with me?" I ask.

"I don't want to intrude, I'm sure you have things to do," she says.

"There's always something to do, let me repay your kindness and at least feed you."

"Again?"

"A girl's gotta eat right?" I say with a wink.

"Good point," she says and moves to get out of the cab. Smiling to myself I follow her out of the cab and we head into my building. We give Larry a quick hello and a short summary of our day and the game before heading up to my apartment.

Once inside I tell her to make herself at home as I head to the kitchen to survey my provisions. She follows behind me and takes a place on a barstool.

"Beer?" I offer her.

"I might be a little beered out right now, I don't suppose I could just have a glass of water?" she asks.

"Absolutely," I say as I grab two bottles of water from the fridge. I pour one into a glass before setting it in front of her and then turn back to repeat the action for myself. I take a long drink not realizing until the water hits my throat exactly how parched I was. After guzzling nearly half the glass I turn back and open the fridge again. "I can do a light pasta dish with veggies and chicken," I tell her.

"Don't go out of your way Alex, I'm fine with anything you want."

"Well I'd probably be making this even if you weren't here so I suppose that means it's not out of my way at all."

"Okay, then that sounds perfect. Can I help you with anything?"

"Nope," I say as I start to pull things from the fridge. "You can keep me company though while I make it though if you'd like."

"Okay then."

And she does. As I chop the vegetables and set everything on the stove to cook she chats with me, telling me about the first baseball game she ever went to. Her grandfather took her when she was about 7. It was the first and only time she'd gone to a game with him as he died a few weeks after due to a heart attack but she remembered every detail about that day with him. It's a sweet story and without knowing it, she's shown me a completely different side of her, a very personal deep side. I don't say anything for fear of her stepping back and putting that wall back up but I'm honored she feels comfortable enough to share with me.

She barely finishes her story as the meal finishes. I plate two plates for us and take them to the bar setting one in front of Olivia and one in front of my own seat. We dig in and she compliments my cooking. I'm glad she likes it, I'd hate to have disappointed her. When we finish she offers to clean up telling me that the cook doesn't clean. She shoos me to the living room and I reluctantly let her. I sit back on the couch and turn the tv on. I flip around until I find some old Esther Williams movie. No one knows this about me but I'm a bit of an old musicals fan so I will happily watch pretty much any old musical.

"A musical huh?" I hear Olivia say as she enters the living room and sits on the couch next to me.

"Don't make fun of me," I warn her.

"I would never," she responds, "I just never thought of you as a musicals kind of girl."

"I'm sure there's lots of stuff about me you don't know."

"I would bet there is," she replies before focusing on the tv.

We both quietly watch the movie and when it ends we are informed by the tv host that it's an Esther Williams marathon. Olivia tells me she doesn't mind watching another and so we do. I must have fallen asleep during the movie because the next thing I realize is that the movie is over and somehow I'm curled up on the couch with my head lying on Olivia's shoulder and her arm is resting around my back cuddling me into her. I'm unable to fight the instinct to settle in even closer before dozing off again. When I wake up again I'm fitted nicely into Olivia's side and the clock on the cable box reads 11:48pm. I lift my head to look over to Olivia about to apologize for falling asleep on her when I see that she too is asleep. I carefully extract myself from her and sit up to turn the tv off. I lean over to Olivia and gently shake her.

"Olivia, wake up," I say quietly in an effort to not jar her awake. She makes a soft mutter before snuggling deeper into the sofa. "Olivia, come on wake up," I repeat.

"Comfy," she mutters.

"I know, but you won't be tomorrow, come on let's go." I shake her slightly harder and I see her eyes flutter open.

"Alex?"

"Hey, come on, bedtime," I tell her.

She takes a moment to process, "Oh, yeah, sorry, I better get going."

"No way, it's too late for you to go roaming around the city," I tell her. "You'll sleep here."

"Then why'd you wake me?" she asks.

"Because you're not sleeping on the couch."

"Where..."

"Come on, we'll share my bed. It's a California King, we'll each have our own time zones," I say with a smile.

"No I can sleep out here."

"Absolutely not," I tell her as I stand up. I extend my hand out to her, "let's go, I have something you can change into." And with that I grab her arm and drag her off the couch, with help from her of course.

When we get to the bedroom I head to my drawers and grab her a t-shirt and shorts before leading her to the bathroom. I dig through the drawers in the bathroom and pull out an unused, brand new toothbrush. I hand everything to her and tell her to change and use anything she needs in here. I close the door as I walk of out the bathroom and find myself something to sleep in. Usually I sleep in a pair of boy shorts but tonight a full outfit seems more appropriate. I find my own clothes and listen for Olivia, she's clearly brushing her teeth and so I take the moment to change into my night gear. A few minutes later Olivia exits the bathroom.

"Any particular side," she asks me.

"I generally sleep closest to the window, but whatever makes you most comfortable is fine with me," I tell her.

"Okay," she says as she climbs into the side furthest from the window.

"I'll be out in a few," I tell her as I close the bathroom door. Once my nightly routine is finished I step out of the bathroom and walk over to my side of the bed. Olivia is so quiet I'm sure she's fallen back asleep already. It isn't until I turn off the light and close my eyes do I hear a soft, "good night Alex" come from her side of the bed.

"Good night Olivia, thank you for today."

"Anytime," she mumbles before I hear her breathing slow. It isn't long before she's out like a light with me following quickly behind.


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing, sadly. Well Melanie came from my own head...

Rated: M

My very first fic ever, PLEASE be kind, I'm sorry if it sucks.

Summary: Alex heads out to a bar at the behest of her best friend. Her life will never be the same.

Notes: Oh my gosh you guys. I'm so sorry it's taken me SO long to update. I feel like I have no time for writing anymore then when I finally had some time I got sicky. :( I feel a little disjointed, I really hope this chapter doesn't feel that way. I have so many different things I want to write out but I'm trying to stay true to my story and it's pace which, ironically, seems to make my brain blank and slows me down. Things will pick up a little though soon, I promise that much. Please tell me this chapter doesn't suck... To all my reviewers, you guys rock SO MUCH! To my followers and basically, anyone who takes time to read, you guys rock too! Enough babbling, enjoy :)

**Olivia's POV**

Despite practically passing out as soon as my head hit the pillow, I didn't sleep too well last night. Perhaps it was because I was in an unfamiliar place, sort of, or because it was Alex's bed. Maybe it's because I was too worried that I'd fall into a deep sleep and dream of Alex. Or perhaps it was because I kept waking up over and over in a different sleep position each time.

The first time I woke up I was lying on my back keeping all my body parts to myself. I'm not even sure what woke me up but as I came into consciousness I realized something was touching my hand. It only took me a moment to understand that something wasn't just touching my hand, Alex was holding it. I flexed and lightly squeezed my hand, squeezing hers in the process. Her response is so light I barely feel it but I do feel her slightly squeezing my hand in reflex to my motions. At least I think it must be in reflex because when I look over at her I see no signs of her being awake. Her breathing continues slowly, rhythmically. I don't stay awake much longer before I fade back into sleep with the feel of Alex's hand in mine.

The next time I wake up I'm curled around Alex, spooning her from behind. I wake up surrounded by her scent, my face buried in the nape of her neck covered by a fine layer of her hair. My left arm is wrapped around her body under the left arm. It's nestled in the valley between her breasts clutched tight to her chest by her arm. Every inch of her back is pressed tight against my front. It's a perfect fit, we're like puzzle pieces fitted together so perfectly. I take another deep breath inhaling the smell that is only Alex. I don't want to pull away but I worry that I'm taking advantage of the situation. But then

I feel Alex shift slightly in her sleep as she pulls my arm impossibly closer to her chest pulling me even tighter against her body. There's no way I can move without waking her up so I give in and relax against her and drift back into sleep holding Alex close against me.

The third time I wake up I'm lying on my back again this time the only place Alex and I are touching is my right arm which she's using as a pillow lying on her side her back to me. It's not the most comfortable position for me, I'd be far more comfortable if I was curled up behind her again but I can't make myself do that. I'd move my arm out from underneath her head but an earthquake would have to happen for me to wake her. I'll deal with it I think as I force myself to forget the discomfort and fall back to sleep.

The final time I wake up it's because I feel the light warming my face but that's just the icing on the cake. The cake however, is Alex. I'm still lying on my back as I wake up. I can feel a weight on my right side and I realize that Alex is half lying on my side. Her head is cradled on top of my shoulder, her shoulder fitting perfectly into the crook of my underarm. My right arm is curled tightly around her shoulders holding her close to me, not that I need to hold her close, she's already impossibly close. Her right leg is nestled between mine sprawled across my right leg. Her right arm is splayed across my torso and curled around my back. My shirt has risen up in my sleep and her arm is skin on skin across my belly. Her hand that's wrapped around my back is flat against my back under my shirt. My left arm rests on her forearm. I can feel her soft even breath on my neck causing the hairs there to raise up. I unconsciously start to draw designs on her forearm with my left hand. I don't realize I'm doing it until I feel her shift a little. I try to lull her back to sleep by rubbing her right arm softly.

I feel her stretch her entire body against mine, straightening herself along my body first before pulling her self in on herself bringing me even closer than we were moments ago. For that brief moment when she stretches the entire length of herself against me I nearly blow a fuse. I know it's wrong of me to think about how unbelievably sexy she is all stretched out and glued to me but it's hard not to. For a brief moment it's like her entire body is on display for me. I try my hardest to push those thoughts away but it's even harder when she pulls herself back in pulling me with her. As she curls herself up closer she inadvertently pushes her leg up into my center causing a friction that makes my heart beat a bit faster. Her head is no longer settled on my shoulder but now on my chest where her soft warm breath is now blowing out onto my breast. I can feel the warm breath on my breast as though I were wearing nothing. I can feel it contract from the sensation and see it tighten under my shirt. I send a silent plea to the heavens that when she opens her eyes it's not my night nipple that she sees first. I find myself conjugating verbs in an effort to keep my mind off the sensations she's causing. It only works for a few minutes before Alex starts moving her hand on my side. My breath stops and I listen to her breathing, it's still slow and steady. I peer down to see if she's awake but I can only see the top of her head. I will my libido back to it's safe place but it's hard with her hand making small movements. I wonder what she's dreaming about that has her, dare I say, caressing my side.

Her hand starts to move from my back to my stomach and up until she's just barely touching the underside of my breast. My heart is racing, threatening to beat out of my chest. If she's not awake yet I'm afraid my heart beat might wake her up. I'm trapped with my choices. It feels so good to have her wrapped around me and touching me but I know she's not awake. It's not right to let this go on. I start to rub her arm calmly in an effort to bring her from her sleep. I whisper her name. Her thumb is rubbing the underside of my breast. God I don't want her to stop. I have to stop her. I whisper her name again, looking down at her head waiting to see her wake up. I see her head move as she lifts it up to face me, her eyes still closed. She must be awake now. I wait, watching her, waiting for her eyes to open to show me she's awake but they don't open. Instead I watch as her head lifts higher until I feel her lips on mine. Her thumb is still rubbing me as she kisses me. Oh God, I have to wake her up but when her mouth opens I can't control my tongue from slipping into her warm mouth. I can't stop myself from moaning into her mouth. I feel her pull back and I open my eyes. Her eyes are open now and we're no longer kissing.

"Olivia?" she says as she tries to figure out what's happening.

**Alex's POV**

I watched in horror as I saw Olivia fall down the steps of the courthouse after being pushed by the man she just helped set free. I ran down the steps as fast as I could manage in my three inch heels. I grabbed her outstretched hand and knelt to the ground by her side. Clutching her hand I watched as Olivia's eyes rolled back into her head and closed. I leaned my entire body over her and listened for breathing. Silence. As I began chest compressions I sent a silent prayer to the heavens begging whoever will listen. I pressed my lips to her mouth pushing my breath into her. I continued the cycles of compressions and breaths for a for more cycles before I finally stopped. I could feel the tears as they rolled down my cheeks. "Please," I begged. I leaned forward and pressed my lips to hers wishing I were in a Disney movie and that my kiss could bring her back to life. Maybe I am in a Disney movie because I swear I felt her lips move against mine. My mouth opened and I felt her tongue slide against mine. I hear her moan into my mouth but I feel it even more. When I open my eyes suddenly everything is far more real. I was dreaming and now as I open my eyes and wake up I see Olivia.

"Olivia?" I say. I'm trying to understand exactly what's happening. Is Olivia okay? Was I dreaming? I must have been because I'm not outside the courthouse and I'm certainly not dressed for court. I am lying on top of Olivia though and I'm fairly sure I was just kissing her. She's okay. "It was just a dream," I say more to myself than to her. I lower myself back down and place my head on her chest listening to her heartbeat.

"Alex?" she says.

"I just need a minute," I tell her and she seems okay with that as she just continues to quietly lie beneath me. We lay there together quietly for a few more moments. Finally I break the silence. "I dreamed you died." She doesn't say anything, instead let's me continue. "We were walking out of the courthouse and you were shoved down the stairs. You fell like a rag doll. I ran to you and tried to give you CPR but it was too late."

"It was just a dream Alex, I'm okay, it's okay," she says quietly to me rubbing my arm with the arm that is wrapped around me.

"I..., can I just lay here for a little while?" I ask her quietly. I know it's wrong, everything in my mind tells me that's not what friends do, but I need to be close to her. I need to hear her heart. I need to feel her. I've never had a dream about someone close to me dying. It felt so real. But lying with Olivia makes me feel safe and chases away the fear and sadness I felt due to my dream. And just this once I want to lay here with her and forget all the other stuff, just be with her.

"As long as you want Alex, I'm right here."

I lose track of how long it's been since I work up; how long we've been lying together. Olivia's been so quiet that I think maybe she's fallen back to sleep.

"Are you awake?" I say quietly, hoping that if she is asleep I didn't wake her up.

"Mm hmm" she hums more than says.

"You're pretty comfy you know," I state making her laugh. My head bobbles up and down with her chest. I feel so safe and comfortable laying with Olivia, I don't ever want to leave this place but I know eventually I'll have to. "Did you sleep well?" I ask her.

"Um, sort of."

"Not a good sleeper in a new place?"

"Yeah, something like that."

We fall back into our comfortable silence but it's not long before that silence is broken by my stomach growling.

"Hungry?" Olivia asks as she chuckles.

"Evidently I am," I respond.

"Should we feed you?" I don't want to leave this sanctuary but it's inevitable so we may as well get up.

"Sure," I say as I push myself up from my prone position. The room is cool and I shiver a little. I didn't realize that it was as cool as it was as Olivia kept me warm while we were laying together. I climb out of bed and find a sweatshirt to throw on. I look back and see Olivia still laying on the bed looking relaxed and at home. I grab another sweatshirt and hold it up in question.

"No thanks, I'll probably change back into my clothes." I toss the sweatshirt back into the drawer from which I took it.

"I'll make some coffee and see what I've got in terms of food," I say as I put on my sweatshirt and walk out of the room leaving Olivia to get up at her own pace. As I get the coffee started, I can hear Olivia rustling around in my bedroom. It's rare that I have guests and if I do they are never left to roam around my apartment on their own except Melanie, but she never goes into my bedroom, she has the guest bedroom which is basically hers. Hearing someone making themselves at home in my bedroom is strange but it's Olivia so there's a sort of comfort knowing it's her. A comfort I can't quite explain. It's a comfort that oddly enough, makes me slightly uncomfortable and hyper aware of where she is and what she's doing. I continue through the motions of making breakfast for the two of us but I can't stop focusing on her presence in my apartment.

The range of emotions that having her hanging out in my apartment brings up is just stupid. On one hand I'm amazed at how at ease I am with her here. How easily I'm accepting of her presence when it's completely out of character of me. Despite my ease however I'm nervous that she's here with me. I have no reason to be nervous, she's my friend, it's normal to have friends over but I am regardless. I can't stop my mind from hearing every move she makes. I know she's entered the kitchen before I see her. I hear her take a seat on a stool at the bar. I know she's watching me but I can't quite get myself to turn to her, yet.

"Coffee's nearly done," I say with my back to her in lieu of looking at her. "I'll get you a cup once it's done." Almost as if on cue the coffee pot beeps to alert us that it's done.

"I can get it," she tells me. "Where are your cups?" I point her towards the cupboard.

I still haven't brought myself to turn to her. I'm not sure why I can't but I just can't. I can hear her getting cups down and pouring coffee into two cups. I hear the fridge open for just a moment then close again. I can hear her behind me. I focus on the vegetables I'm chopping for our omelets. She reaches around me with her right arm and places a cup of coffee directly in my line of sight. I look down and see that she's made my coffee exactly how I like it. How did she know? I'm suddenly overwhelmed with emotion. It's something so small but yet it seems so big to me. I place the knife down on the cutting board and take a deep breath. Olivia hasn't moved from behind me and I can feel her body heat. I brace my hands on the counter and take another deep breath.

**Olivia's POV**

The atmosphere in Alex's apartment has changed dramatically. I can't be sure exactly what caused this shift but I guess this morning has been strange period. When Alex woke up kissing me I thought for sure she would kick me out for taking advantage of her in her sleep but instead she laid back down and asked if she could stay there for a while. Of course I didn't deny her. I could never deny her a request. So we laid there, quietly as I let her ground herself and I just held her. I got lost in holding Alex. There were no words that needed to be said. She needed me and I would give her that. After a while we finally decide it's time to leave our cocoon as Alex's stomach seems to need some attention. She leaves me to get ready.

After she leaves I lay back down for a few moments. I give myself a moment to gather my thoughts and my emotions. I could too easily let them run away with the joy of holding Alex but I know I can't allow that. I know I need to get out of this bed soon or else I won't be able to control the thoughts of what it would be like to wake up in this bed with Alex in my arms every morning. I force myself to shake that thought from my mind as I get up and grab my clothes and head into the bathroom to change. Once I've finished getting dressed I head back to the bedroom and make the bed because I'm sure Alex would never leave her bed unmade. I walk out to the kitchen and sit on the bar stool as I watch Alex cut up vegetables. She keeps her back to me as she tells me that the coffee should be ready soon. When the machine beeps I get up to get each of us a cup of coffee. I open the fridge assuming she'll have milk or cream for her coffee since I know that's how she takes it. My guess is right and I quickly pour a little cream into her coffee. I've seen her make her coffee before and committed to memory exactly how much creamer she likes, well I didn't really commit it to memory, I guess that's what happens when you adore someone as much as I do her, you notice things.

I'm not entirely sure why she still hasn't looked at me yet, my best guess is that she's embarrassed that she needed me this morning, though she has nothing to be embarrassed by. I opt against saying something, instead I stand behind her as I reach around her to place her coffee on the counter. That's when the mood shifted. I guess it was because I came up behind her and stood in her personal space. I should move. I think if I did move I'd be able to break this inexplicable change in the atmosphere but I can't. I see her place her hands on the counter and take a deep breath. I should move. I can't. I want to reach out and touch her but I don't, I leave it up to her.

I don't have to wait long before she turns around. When she does, she doesn't say anything, she just looks at me. I wait to see what she does but she just continues to look at me, as though she's studying me. I watch her eyes as they roam across my face and settle on my mouth. I can't stop myself as I step closer to her. She brings her eyes back up to mine and again I wait. I feel her hand cup my face and my eyes close as I lean into the touch. I feel her lips touching mine, softly and gently. I'm too terrified to do anything but reciprocate gently, afraid that if I moved too suddenly she might run. She captures my lower lip between hers and gently suckles it. Before I can I fully adjust to the feeling of her lips against mine they're gone and she has leaned back into her own space. Her hand continues to cradle my face and I reluctantly open my eyes afraid this was a dream. When I open them she's looking intently at me.

"Thank you," she says quietly before shyly looking down. Before she can remove her hand I grab it with mine and bring her open palm to my lips. I gently kiss the inside of her palm holding her gaze.

"You're welcome," I tell her despite not being completely sure as to what I'm being thanked for. I let go of her palm and step out of her space, settling my hip against the counter and grabbing my coffee cup. I have to pull myself away from her, give myself a little distance to keep from asking more of her than she may be ready to give.

"So what's for breakfast?" I ask in an effort to give us both a small distraction. It seems to work as Alex turns back to the vegetables she was cutting and resumes her slicing.

"I figured I'd pull some of these vegetables and throw them into an omelet. Is that okay?"

"Absolutely," I tell her.

"Are you opposed to anything I'm cutting up? I was just going to make one big omelet and split it but if you don't like anything here I can make two."

"One is fine Alex. Can I help you with anything?"

"No, I'm nearly done cutting and am going to throw these in the pan to sauté while I get the eggs ready."

"I'm starting to think you don't trust me in your kitchen. First yesterday and now today, you won't let me do anything but watch."

"I let you clean yesterday," she retorts.

"AFTER I kicked you out."

"Maybe I think you're better as decoration than help."

"I'll get you to trust me in your kitchen," I half-heartedly warn her. "I am quite capable of cooking."

"How many restaurants are in your phone?"

"How many are in YOURS?" I counter back.

"Touché, detective," she says before turning to me and giving me that bright smile that never ceases to make my heart swell.

We fall into an amicable silence as she continues making breakfast. Once she's done she sets the omelets on the bar and we settle into the stools. After my first bite I compliment her.

"Alex, this is great. A girl could get used to having her meals not come from the delivery guy."

"It is nice to cook, I rarely do it just for myself."

"I know what you mean, I think the last time I cooked, REALLY cooked... Well I don't really remember when it was."

"We'll have to do this again sometime, maybe I'll actually let you into my kitchen," she tells me with a smirk.

"Oh you will," I assure her.

When we finish eating I kick her out of the kitchen again to clean up, citing, once again, the cooks don't clean rule. She tells me she's only letting me kick her out because she wants to get out of her pajamas. I laugh as she leaves the room and start cleaning up. It doesn't take either of us long to accomplish our objectives and we reconvene in her living room. I don't want to leave but I know our lunch from yesterday must eventually end and I certainly have been lucky to have far more of Alex than I deserve. Who would have guessed that lunch with Alex would turn into breakfast the next day? Not me.

"I should probably be going. I'm sure you have things you have to do today that don't involve cooking for me," I tell her with a smile.

"Just the usual. Files."

"Well we can't have you falling behind on those, otherwise we'll never get to hang out again."

"I'm sure I'd be able to find time, but you do have a point about me falling behind."

I get up from the couch and start looking for my random items around her apartment. Keys, wallet, phone. She left to get my shoes from the bedroom. When she returns she thanks me for making the bed, telling me that she really dislikes when it isn't made. I can't help but chuckle a little as I tell her that's why I made it. She just smiles in response. I head to the door, Alex following behind me. When I reach the door I turn around to look at her.

"I've really had a great time Alex. Thanks for everything," I tell her. I feel a little stupid, like I'm not thanking her properly.

"I had a great time too, but the thanks are for you not me. Thank you for the baseball game and my hat." She smiles as she thanks me for the hat. "I really enjoyed spending yesterday and today with you." She leans in and kisses me. I'm sure I've died and gone to heaven. Alex has kissed me three times today, well two times on purpose and once in her dream but still. I return the kiss before gently pulling back, I'm still not sure I'm completely in control.

"Enjoy your Sunday Alex, and don't work too hard," I tell her before turning the doorknob and stepping out of her apartment.

"See you later Olivia."

And with that I head towards the elevator, waiting to hear the door lock before pushing the button.

**Alex's POV**

I shut the door and lock it as Olivia walks away. I didn't really want her to leave but I know that both of us have things we have to do. I allow myself only a moment or two to reflect on our lunch turned sleep-over. Being with Olivia is so easy. I didn't realize I was capable of relaxing with anyone the way I do with her. I was perfectly content having her here just hanging out as I cooked dinner last night and breakfast this morning. I also didn't realize she has the effect on me that she has. I kissed her this morning. Not just once, not just accidentally, but three times. Twice on purpose. I know it's not what I should be doing but I did it anyway and it felt nice. Nice enough that I kissed her goodbye too. I'm not sure what came over me. There's something about Olivia. I don't know that I'm ready to really figure out why I feel different about her than I do about anyone else, but I am willing to admit that there's something about her. Something that maybe, just maybe I want to get to know more of.


End file.
